When Church Hurts

When I was 17, my parents divorced and the church kicked us out. Before that, the church had been my safe space—the place where I found connection, friends, and some peace when everything else felt chaotic. But when my family went through a hard time, the church turned its back on us. Being rejected by the very place I thought would protect me broke something inside me.

I didn’t go back until I was 20 and pregnant. I wanted to leave the abusive situation I was in, facing homelessness and not a penny to my name. Instead of kindness, support, or love, I was met with judgment. They told me I needed to marry the man instead of leaving, and they said they would pray for me—with pity in their eyes. In that moment, I felt abandoned all over again.

After I left that church at 20, pregnant and alone, I walked away from God. When the church turned its back, I turned my back on God too. It wasn’t until I met Noah and he gently explained who God really was that I began to unpack the pain the church had caused me. Noah was patient with me through my doubts and failures. When he first talked to me about a relationship with Jesus, I laughed—it sounded ridiculous after all the hurt I’d been through. But slowly, over five years, I began to see that God’s love was real and unconditional.

Church hurt is a quiet storm many of us carry—common, yet deeply wounding. We come to church believing it will be our shelter, the place where we can lay down our masks, be seen, and be loved. We expect it to reflect God’s heart—a sanctuary of grace and safety. But too often, that sanctuary becomes a place of shadows, where judgment falls like rain and silence speaks louder than kindness.

The church hurt me deeply, but God never did. I truly believe He allowed me to go through that pain so I wouldn’t follow the church—but so I would follow Him.

If you’re hurting, take your time, but don’t give up on God. He’s there, ready to hold your hand and walk with you through the pain.

Proverbs 19:3 says, “People ruin their lives by their own foolishness, and then are angry at the Lord.” I see now that the hurt I experienced wasn’t from God, but from human failure. And it’s through that failure that I found God’s grace.