The “Now What?” Ministry

1 John 1: 9-10, If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar and His word is not in us.

We constantly learn from others. All discipleship, good or bad, that we have received passes through His hands and is a positive in our lives. From two men in particular I have learned greatly by their negative discipleship; both taught me through their example the folly of taking credit for the work of God in a believer’s life and the stupidity of marching to one’s own praise band, refusing any criticism. This awareness of negative discipleship’s being a positive in me leaves me with the hope that my negatives can be a positive for others! It has also caused me not to place so much weight on criticism (which has often been mindless). However, here is a criticism that I just do not understand. It is fairly consistent, so I have to take it to Jesus and ask if there is validity in it. There seems to be a bunch of believers that do not have in their paradigm the concept that a Christian who has failed can move forward in Christ and not have to suffer the consequences of his sins for the rest of his life. His failure does and should make him a second-class Christian the rest of his life. I am accused of not being hard enough on sin, taking Christians’ failure lightly, talking about mercy, and, in so doing, giving a passive consent to sin. I keep saying, “I do not,” and I keep hearing, “Yes, you do.” There is no evidence behind the accusations; I have never condoned sin, moral failures, self-righteousness, judgmental attitudes, spiritual exclusiveness, or those that cause division. But in the world in which I live, I do meet believers that have fallen into all of the above and more; that is a fact. So my question to their repentance is, “Now what?” I have a “Now What?” ministry. To a large extent the Epistles are written addressing the problems into which believers have fallen, having taken their focus off of Christ. It is not a stretch to say that every person that enjoys reading the Epistles is indebted to believers that failed on some level. In essence, we learn from their failures. Without these varied problems we would lack a good portion of the New Testament! We also must see the additional aspect of the writers’ wanting the believers redeemed, pressing on, renewed in their love for Christ, and expressing the life of Jesus within them. There is no hint that once their problem is addressed and they have repented, that they must live a life of consequences in self-condemnation. I remember when a prominent “evangelist” said, “Any man that has had an immoral thought is an outcaste and can never minister.” Three days later his photo was taken, showing his own immorality. No believer is a castaway. Christians fall, but we must let them see that they can fall forward into the lap of love. They need not live in regret. I have often taught that it is not wise for a believer to marry an unbeliever, but the fact remains that some do. Now what? Repeatedly tell the believers they are out of the will of God, until we drive them away from God, and in so doing compound their problems? No, we tell them to keep moving forward in Christ and not to allow their decision to define them, to let Jesus, and Jesus alone, define them. You get the picture, and the list of shortcomings of believers goes on. I have noticed that there is a jealousy among the religious (defined as those that believe success rests in their hands with the many things they must do) when they see the freedom enjoyed by faith persons (defined as those that believe in resting in Jesus and His Righteousness, for nothing is impossible for Jesus). It is easy for the religious to judge someone as hopeless when his flesh flows in a ravine theirs does not. Here is the warning: God can turn that same critical light on them, and they will not stand. Judgmental people are keeping their own list while failing at His list always. Having examined the options, I must line up on the side of faith and believe that there is a glorious “Now what” for every believer who has had a failure.

 

Separating the Issues in Your Life

Matthew 16:19-22, And someone came to Him and said, “Teacher, what good thing shall I do that I may obtain eternal life?” And He said to him, “Why are you asking Me about what is good? There is only One who is good; but if you wish to enter into life, keep the commandments.” Then he said to Him, “Which ones?” And Jesus said, “YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT MURDER; YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY; YOU SHALL NOT STEAL; YOU SHALL NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS; HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER; and YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.” The young man said to Him, “All these things I have kept; what am I still lacking?” Jesus said to him, “If you wish to be complete, go and sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.” But when the young man heard this statement, he went away grieving; for he was one who owned much property.

We see in this discourse that Jesus is separating the issues in the rich young ruler’s life. What the young man thought was the issue was not the only issue. We think that there is only one issue in our life to be resolved, and even if we discover that there are actually several, the mistake is made of looking for the one thing that will fix all of the issues at once. The same tool will not fix a flat tire, a sink, a bicycle spoke, and a computer; they all have separate problems that need different tools to repair. One answer does not work for every situation, and any one event carries with it several issues, each with a separate answer. The sign that a believer is looking for the magic elixir that will fix every issue is confusion. Therefore, the issues must be separated and dealt with accordingly, such as when an injustice occurs and spawns the need for blessing those that curse, loving the enemy, forgiveness, and the process of reconciliation that will bring closure. Let us take a look at those issues and break them down one by one.

1.       We must bless those that curse us or they live in our heads and pay no rent.

2.        Loving our enemies is commanded, for He makes His sun to shine on the just and the unjust. He takes no pleasure in the death of the wicked.

3.        Forgiveness is a package. Just as a person cannot hold a tire and tell me he owns an automobile, since a car comprises many parts, so forgiveness has many parts. There is an offense, a break in relationship, confession by the offender, forgiveness given by the offended (there is no forgiveness for unforgiveness), all ending in restoration. Due to its very nature, there is no forgiveness without confession, since the purpose of forgiveness is restoration. “If we confess our sins,” “repent for forgiveness of sins,” and “as often as your brother comes to you,” all show the context of the giving of forgiveness. We must carry a heart of forgiveness so that when it is asked for, we can dispense it freely. Does God forgive without confession? (I am not teaching here about the common concern of, “What if I die and I forgot to confess a sin?” Once a person is in Christ, Jesus died for all of his sins.) Confession for man is cleansing and releasing, but there is a common teaching that believers should go to an offender and offer forgiveness without any acknowledgement from the wrongdoer that a sin was committed. Instructing a young woman that has been abused to go and tell the uncle, “I forgive you,” when the uncle has not asked for forgiveness, usually has a detrimental outcome. I have heard many stories of believers who went to someone to forgive him when it was not in the offender’s heart to ask for it; the offender actually denied it, walked off, and/or condemned the hurt person for making such an accusation. This is soul killing anew for an injured believer. Many will argue that forgiveness is unconditional, but those two words do not go together, for “unconditional” implies that there is no sin, and if no sin, there is no forgiveness. Yet all have sinned, and through confession, “He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” The Prodigal Son asked for forgiveness and was restored. Today there seems to be more emphasis on the need for the offended to forgive when it is not asked for, thus loading responsibility on the victim. Why not call attention to confession of the offender as something that is cleansing and restoring? Those that have sinned against another are cheated when there is no mention of confession. Confession and forgiveness are two words that are inseparable and should remain together. However, the victim is not stuck; there is something to do when confession has not, and may never, come. “Bless those that curse you,” “do good to those that harm you,” and “pray for those that persecute you.” All of these things set us free and make us all the more excited about forgiving, should the occasion arise.

4.       Forgiveness must be given when asked for. “Forgive us (See? We are asking) as we forgive our debtors.” However, there is a process after forgiveness that brings closure. Let me explain. A man has an affair; once it is over, for three years he is tormented. He repents before God and then tells his wife, asking, naturally, for forgiveness. She must forgive. However, this has taken her completely by surprise, and she is extremely hurt. Yet, if she asks any further questions or gets angry in the future, he accuses her of walking in unforgiveness, which covertly shifts the load of the whole event to her shoulders. The children have been hurt, the wife has been embarrassed and betrayed, there is a break in trust, and she has many unanswered questions; she needs closure. Though I do not want to camp at the event and want the couple to move forward, there are a few things that need to be said about forgiveness. Talking will help bring closure. Yes, she must move on, but talking and getting a few answers will help her do so. The same is true for the believer who has lost a loved one due to an injustice such as murder. We hear many stories about murderers asking for forgiveness, which must be granted by the family. However, normal questions ensue, such as, “How did he die? Where did you put the body?” (This was the question asked by the women at the grave of Jesus.) Some believers use an injustice and the lack of repentance to get stuck at a point of hatred and condemnation; there is no profit in that. Hearts are revealed through injustices, confession and forgiveness.

5.        We must and will forgive. However, that does not mean that a lawbreaker should not go to prison. I Peter 3:17, “For it is better, if God should will it so, that you suffer for doing what is right rather than for doing what is wrong.” A couple told me of a man that killed their daughter. From prison the criminal sincerely confessed what he had done and asked for forgiveness. The parents asked what they should do. I said that the couple must forgive and must also let the man serve his prison sentence. Forgiveness and staying in prison are separate issues. Judging the man and putting him in prison is the job of government in order to protect the populace. “For (governments) are a minister of God to you for good. But if you do what is evil, be afraid; for it does not bear the sword for nothing; for it is a minister of God, an avenger who brings wrath on the one who practices evil. Therefore it is necessary to be in subjection, not only because of wrath, but also for the sake of conscience.” The thief on the cross was forgiven but not taken off the cross. Lawbreakers are not victims, but it does amaze me to watch the news and see how the world is consequence conscious and not cause conscious. It seems as though the treatment of those who have caused atrocities (consequence of their actions) is more important than the cause of their being treated that way! The victims of their crimes are looking for assurance that it will not happen again, and that security will not come as long as those that violated them do not ask for forgiveness. (Of course, the opposing danger is that victimization is a religion; it is very addictive.) It reminds me of the Great Depression. It left such an impact on my grandmother that she still saved newspaper, jars, rubber bands, bread wrappers, and more. She never forgot what it was like and never, looking at unrepentant government, regained the confidence that it would not happen again.

6.  Facts do not oppose each other. It is a fact that birds fly and a fact that I cannot. We separate the facts. It is a fact that I love my enemy, it is a fact that I bless my enemy, a fact that my enemy must ask for forgiveness, a fact that when I am asked I must forgive my enemy, and it is a fact that wounds do take time to heal. Each of these facts will come to fullness in our daily lives as He makes them alive according to His own timing.

Repent!

Romans 2:4, “Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?”

Many say they are called to exhort people to repent, but their call so often is exhibited as something of a one-off from what we know the Old Testament prophets were; for them repentance centered more in the root than the fruit as they sought to bring people back to God. Today the call to repentance seems to take the form of spreading a rebuke, such as, “’You think you are saved, but you are not! You call yourselves My children but do not act like My own. If you would have loved Me you would have kept My word. I am going to cut you off and give your portion to those that obey Me,’ thus says the Lord.” It is fairly consistent and only ends in condemnation, even though we know that “there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1). Men instruct on the topic of discipline with a similar approach and fervor, and that, too, ends in condemnation. The offenders’ sin is pointed out, coupled with a threat to punish. Because of such teaching by the religious who wrongly present God’s judgment, one fellow said, “I wish I would have waited to accept Christ until the last minute, got baptized, and had someone shoot me as I came up out of the water. At least that way I would not have accumulated so much of the judgment of God as a believer.” This man expressed a common feeling that has occurred among Christians throughout the centuries, but this kind of view of judgment is not dealing with the root but rather the behavior, the fruit. There are two types of discipline: one is punishment, which reaps few benefits and is rarely successful, and the other is a self-discipline that takes a person back to Christ. A Christian who finds himself continually in the deeds of the flesh does need discipline, but it is that found within himself that can enable him to begin and end each day recognizing the presence of Christ. It is our job as disciple-makers to pull that person aside and urge him to go to the Lord and abide. The subsequent awareness of the fact of Christ’s indwelling that is living through him will free him from the deeds of the flesh. (“If perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth,” II Timothy 2:25.) It has been proven that continually emphasizing a person’s deeds of the flesh will never set him free from the flesh. (“But the sorrow of the world produces death,” II Corinthians 7:9.) Believers ought to be disciplined in recognizing Christ. It does take time to teach that understanding; Jesus spent three-and-a-half years with his disciples. However, the fruit of taking this approach is verifiable, for Jesus said that the Father prunes. To say it another way, when we abide, the deeds of the flesh fall off of us. Unfortunately, there are those that will refuse this discipline; they willingly continue in the deeds of the flesh, making themselves an unhealthy leaven in the Body, and at this point to disfellowship them is appropriate. As for the call to spread the message of repentance, it generally is meant to be a call to stop a particular behavior, and repentance is seen as different from forgiveness. The hiccup enters in when Christians do repent and subsequently continue in the same behavior. This is again where Jesus is tying the hands of man and forcing us to a life of abiding, for only the living Christ within can make a permanent change in behavior. Therefore, the message of repentance without the message of the indwelling Christ is incomplete and will not be attainable.

If Only I Knew Then What I Know Now!

Romans 7:18-20, “For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh, for the wishing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. For the good that I wish, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not wish. But if I am doing the very thing I do not wish, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.”

Revelation does not come through effort; it will come through life and can take years to arrive. Revelation can never be forced; it is an outgrowth of our lives in a fallen body and in a fallen world. Revelation comes in the fullness of time; therefore, time is essential, and the longer one lives, the more revelation he will receive. Many exit at an early age, having been given the revelation that is needed for a move from this reality to THE reality. Life with a small “l” is constantly teaching us of Life with a capital “L.” That is why revelation waits in the future for life to prepare us for what Life would teach us. In the fullness of time, we will receive what we would not have received at an earlier time. There is no need to be frustrated and make silly comments like, “I wish I would have known that sooner.” At a sooner time we could not have received it and would not have “known” it. This planet and our lives are not made up of random experiences. This world is the womb in which the things of God are made known to us, and just as a baby is methodically formed in the womb of the mother, the child of God is methodically formed in the womb of the world. God is the God of order, not of chaos; therefore, everything comes in order. To say, “If only I had known this sooner” is assuming that “knowing” is what has made the change in us. Rather, it was revelation. Knowledge can come at any time, and yet revelation must come at the fullness of time as our “time” on earth prepares the way. “If only I could go back and make different decisions!” Well, if we could go back, we would be the same persons that we were back then, and we would make the same decisions. However, such a statement does reveal that we have grown, and the new persons that we are today would never have made such decisions. We have mentioned before that there are journey people and destination people. As believers we need to accept that we are all on a journey and enjoy the journey. In the fullness of time, God is teaching us. We cannot hurry up that process (Bible schools and seminaries are the proof of that). If the process cannot be hurried, then we must accept the way of things on the earth and rest in Him. The Holy Spirit will bring the revelation, His teaching that moves from head to heart, in the fullness of time.

Bad Memory is Godliness

“I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgression for My own sake, and I will not remember your sins,” Isaiah 43:25.

There are two things in the passage that strike me. We are made in the image of God, Who says, “I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions for My own sake.” When those to whom you minister, those who minister to you, those you minister with, and those to whom you will never minister do something to hurt you, the thought of the transgression can haunt you for years. It only takes a name being brought up, an event of the past, or a painful experience to renew the transgression. If the hurtful person completely disappears from the scene, never to be heard of again, he can still take up residency in your head and heart. As I often note, the purpose of forgiveness in the Bible is restoration. However, there are those who do not want restoration; hence, they would see no need for forgiveness. There are relationships I have tried to restore in the past by asking for forgiveness, only to be told of more offenses and to stay away. For my own good, I need to forget. Oh, to able to forget, to wipe out a transgression, to remember the sins no longer, just for our own sakes. When I got married, Betty quickly realized what was ahead of her, for each day I would ask, “Have you seen my keys? Have you seen my wallet?” Everything would shut down while we looked. Then a few years ago I got glasses, and we have added them to the list of things that are lost daily, along with a cell phone and the key to the mailbox. You get the picture. “Betty, have you seen my keys, wallet, glasses, phone, and key to the mailbox?” One day, justifiably, she said, “Can’t you remember anything?” I jokingly said, “Forgetfulness is a sign of godliness. Only God could wipe out transgressions and remember no more, and we are in His image. I am glad that in His image, I can forget. I just do not want to remember everything from my past, and if not being able to remember where my keys are is part of not remembering, then it is a fair tradeoff.” You can see why I can be difficult to live with! However, to forget is a great blessing. Research (if it can ever be trusted) says that the average person only loses about 10% of the ability to remember. The difference is that past age 60 it takes more physical effort to correct the forgetfulness. In the younger years, we forgot the mail and thought nothing of running back to get it. In the older years the extra effort is a frustration. My grandfather used to complain about his memory loss, and I would remind him that I had worked with him most of my life and never remembered his having a razor-sharp memory, only now it was annoying him. Start this day knowing that the Lord wipes out your transgressions for His own good. He does not want to think about your failures all day long, so why should you? Second, He does not remember your sin; it is the enemy coming from your past. Guilt is the undertaker’s best friend.

Many Religions and One Faith

“One Lord, one faith, one baptism.” (Eph. 4:5)

While traveling in a remote area of India, we were passing by an estimated 500,000 pilgrims walking barefooted (up to 500 miles) toward the temple of Shiva that rested on top of a mountain. Many had bloodied and blistered feet. Once they reached the temple, their heads would be shaved and they would receive a bit of sandalwood paste that had fallen off of an idol. Drinking the paste in a mixture would secure the favor of Shiva, and they would get the desire of their heart. Not long afterward I found myself in Tibet, where the pilgrims were falling forward to reach the great temples of Buddha. Some had come as far as 300 miles in this manner; they would stand, make a praying motion with their hands, and fall forward. While lying prostrate, they stretched out as far as they could and placed a piece of paper at the end of their fingertips; this was the marker for where they were to stand next and fall forward. Men, old women, and children alike, were working their way to Lhasa by the length of their bodies. Some even had callused foreheads. These types of activities are played out around the world.

We often look at the passage in Ephesians where Paul mentions that there is one Lord, one faith, and one baptism and apply it to the Christian Church. However, it must be viewed in a broader sense. Taken as a whole, the world brandishes very many religions, but there is only one faith. Religion, as it is most easily defined, is success resting at the feet of man. All religions have this in common, even the Christian religion, for it becomes a religion when the enemy and the flesh of man move focus away from the work of God to the work of man. I visited an Orthodox Religion “church” building in India after visiting several Hindu temples. I turned to my friend and said, “Do you think a Hindu would feel the least bit uncomfortable in this Orthodox religion?” He replied, “No, the Hindu would have everything he needs here: candles, icons, idols, a secret place for priests, gold altars, and more.” The common thread of religions–that success rests in man’s effort–is often accompanied by the tantalizing hope for success through somehow twisting the arm of the false god to get a favor. In contrast, there is only one faith, so never let it be said that people belong to different faiths; they only belong to different religions. The one faith is faith in the only God, His only Son, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit.

The success of the one faith ends at the feet of God, who loved us and gave us His son. God works in us, Christ moved into us and is our life, and the Holy Spirit makes the things of God and Jesus not only reasonable but also doable in His power. It is all about the accomplished and ongoing work of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Move from the one faith that believes in what God does, period, and move into an obsession with self and what men must do, and find one of the most miserable religions in the world, which is Christianity without Christ.

Captive to Something How?

“Therefore it says, When He ascended on High, He led captive a host of captives, and He gave gifts to men” (Ephesians 4:8).

So many of us, at some time in our Christian lives, believe ourselves to be enslaved to something. It is either a returning habit or a new one, but the slavery seems very real. We have said it before but God cannot, as a shepherd, lead someone that is sitting. We must move to be led, and that means that we must move into a truth to discover the reality of the truth. He has taken captive everything that could have held the believer captive. We are free! Growth for Christians does not comprise a series of efforts to make us free but a series of revelations that make known our freedom. We look at our Red Sea and wonder how WE will part it to obey and go forward. In reality, we step into it and discover that HE is the one that parts it, but only so far as needed for us to place one foot at a time in it. That is the life of faith. It is a lie that we are enslaved or captive to anything but Christ. However, the voice of sin, Satan, the world, and flesh are so loud that sometimes we sit in the chair and bemoan a condition that we do not even have. The glory of God is in choice, and there are none freer to make a choice than the believer. I have counseled people in a variety of situations, among which are several prisons, orphanages, alcohol and drug treatment centers, and with couples in troubled marriages. I have given them information and witnessed some miracles, but it was not the information that ever set the people free; it was their choice to act on the information and to walk in the freedom Christ had already given them. The one dispensing information can never take the credit for a changed life; it was simply that the believer chose to walk in a freedom that was given by Him. I am happy that being obsessed with Betty long before she knew it, that upon her discovery of my love, she chose me. I chose her first, but she responded by choosing me. I am happy that she was not forced to marry me but responded to my choice with her choice. God has chosen you, He chose to set you free, and now you will thrill Him by choosing to walk in it. It is a hard pill to swallow, but if you can choose not to go shopping naked, you can certainly as a believer choose not to walk in what you believe to be a behavior to which you are held captive. Admit where you are so you can leave where you are. Admit that you are choosing to stay in your state and let God work with your honesty.

Only His Death

“For Christ also died for sins once for all, the just for the unjust, so that He might bring us to God, having been put to death in the flesh but made alive in the spirit.” I Peter 3:18

I begin every morning the same way, “Thank You, Jesus, that You are my separation from God, and therefore I can never be separated from Him.” It is a beautiful revelation. His mercies are new every morning! Every morning! Christ was my separation and that settles it all. I have often heard it taught that it should have been me hanging on the cross and not Jesus, but here is the problem. Let us assume that it was me hanging on the cross for my own sins; how can a sinner bear his own sin? Had it been me and not Him, nothing would have happened to elevate my sins. Thousands were crucified for their sins; Jesus had a thief on both sides. One was invited into paradise by Jesus, but not because the thief suffered for his own sins. The thief’s death on a cross did nothing to redeem him, but rather it was his recognition of Christ that redeemed him. My point is that if Christ had not taken my sins on the cross, then going to the cross myself would have accomplished nothing. In this regard it was a substitution, for if I refuse the substitution, I might die on a cross but I could never be a sacrifice for my sins; I would have a just death for my sins. What Jesus did was wonderful. Being sinless and blameless, He was actually able to take my sin out of me, have it placed on Him, and then become a substitution that redeemed me and set me free. His was the only death that could have accomplished such a feat, and He did it for all men. This is not religious dogma but faith in the Son of God who has loved me and was delivered up for me. Today we say, “Thank You that because of the cross, that because You were my separation from God, that because You took my sins upon yourself, I have no obstacle with God. I will be heard today, helped today, shown compassion today, and You will treat me as David, a man after Your heart that will do all of Your will. All because of You, Jesus!” Amen, what a confidence.

What Brings the People Must Keep the People

“Do you not yet understand or remember the five loaves of the five thousand?”  Matthew 16:9

A man was telling me about a slow leak that he had in a truck tire. He wanted to get as far down the road as possible, because he did not have a spare tire. He explained that his grandfather had told him a secret, “When you have a slow leak, drive as fast as you can. This will cause more wheel rotations, and when the part of the tire with the hole hits the pavement, the pressure will not let the air escape. Just drive flat out, and you can go longer before the flat completely stops you.” I thought that was interesting, but wondered what it had to do with our seminar. Then, with a crestfallen countenance, the man looked at me and said, “I am flat as a pastor and a believer. I have seen that there was a leak in the church, and my approach was to speed up, introduce as many new programs as possible, keep the people busy and distracted, and thus ignore the leak. It did not work, and I am flat and exhausted. Today, I see that the leak’s essence was that I had forgotten to proclaim Jesus, forgotten to determine to make Him known.” That I did understand. We must be careful as we work in the church, for what attracts the people will be what is needed to keep the people. I have seen so many burnt-out believers. Jesus fed the multitude, and when He was not feeding them, they crucified Him. He was feeding their flesh, and their flesh grew. Imagine two pastors, both with the same message. One attracts the people with video, music, games, a magnificent facility, miracles, healings, comfort, cappuccino machines, the spectacular, strong personalities, and bribes of a variety of forms. The other attracts with the simple message that a believer is the temple of God; the Holy Spirit will bring about the life of Christ naturally in him; and Jesus can be the source of his heart, bringing life to his spirit, soul, body and the world around him, though in the world there will be trouble, but Jesus has overcome the world. The first pastor now needs a football field to accommodate the audience and enough room for motorcycles to jump over him while he speaks or a flagpole from the top of which he has promised to eat pie if everyone in the youth group brings a friend. The other pastor just keeps talking about Jesus and has fifty people attending; they take back to their daily lives and jobs a great secret: Jesus in them. One must ask what has really attracted the people, because what attracts the people must keep them. I find it interesting that overall attendance in church is decreasing but increasing in the mega-church. What does one have that the other does not? It is a slippery slope and a great temptation when we see the mega-club degrade Christianity to the folly of the flesh that attracts people. Once that has occurred, the only way to keep the people from shifting to another mega-club with more appeal to the flesh is to up the fleshly appeal in the existing club. It is throat cutting, because flesh begets flesh, and appealing to the flesh of man will ultimately create more flesh. Take a walk in the woods. Life is something that comes naturally, without effort. If people are attracted by Jesus, then lifting up Jesus will keep the people. The goal is not keeping them coming for any reason but for Him and His glory. It is easy and relaxing. I spoke to a large group in a remote area of Nepal. The pastors came at the break, saying, “We did not know that if God gets the glory, He does the work. Everything we have heard from the U.S. involved a program that we needed to do. Preaching Christ has taken a second place.” Yes, and there is one more thing. When did the men of God begin to look to the world for the secret of success? There was a time when the Church led the world. It is as though there is a worldly parade, and the Christian club stands on the curb analyzing what has attracted people to join in. Next, the Christians jump to the back of the parade, dressing, imitating, and offering what those with a darkened mind at the front have dreamed up for the masses. They put something of a Christian twist to it, believing that those at the front of the parade will look back and want to be led by the new followers. A club in the Midwest used its budget to buy shot glasses and hand them out to every bar in town for free. The bar owners were asked to serve the whiskey in the glasses, so that when the patron drank the last swig, he would see the message painted on the bottom, “Give our church a shot,” along with the address. This kind of thing is hailed as cutting edge. There is a group of prostitutes for Jesus going on the streets, sleeping with men, and giving them a Bible and inviting them to church. When questioned, they said what so many say, “How else are you going to reach these men? They will not come to church.” I want to encourage all of you reading that Jesus is enough, and if you want to shake the world, you do not have to become like it to be heard. The world knows a contrast when it sees it. We are not joining the world’s parade. People attracted to Jesus need only hear talk about Him. That type of fellowship will not ever go flat.

Divorce and Bitterness

When I talk to a brother or sister contemplating divorce, I immediately explain how he or she is presently feeling. The response most often will be, “How did you know exactly how I was feeling?” Quite simply, I say, I just described the characteristics of a bitter person. The mate’s behavior is not dictating how the person now feels, although he or she believes that it is. Bitterness is the true dictator, a most divisive and destructive force to which many believers have succumbed. “See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled” (Hebrews 12:15). “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:31, 32).

What are some of the common signs of bitterness in a relationship? The bitter person is responsible for them, remember, for it is not the actions of others that cause bitterness, but rather a hard heart and ears attuned to the enemy’s voice, providing the soil bitterness needs to grow. There is a difference between being offended and being bitter. We do not find Jesus, the one Man in all of humanity who was offended the most, ever bitter. Blame must rest squarely on the shoulders of the person who is bitter.

Bitterness is an attitude that grows until its roots are entangled throughout the person’s mind, will, and emotions. Any attempt to remove this poisonous plant will be met with resistance through desire, intellectual arguments, and the feeling of hopelessness. Bitterness can even be considered an addiction. There is a soothing inner calm for those who have become accustomed to it, for though everything outside of them seems out of control, they can at least control their bitterness and make others pay for the perceived wrongs they have done. The majority of believers under emotional stress will either have an outer or inner explosion (which normally converts into depression), and with the passing of time all is forgotten. However, the bitter do neither of these; their explosions do not pass. They accept a lifestyle, a path that allows them the luxury of avoiding personal responsibility for the remainder of life. A child grows embittered toward the parent, and the more the child fails in life, the more anger he exhibits toward the parent. This is living in a distorted reality, a neurosis. When events begin to pressure the bitter people into accepting blame, they immediately recall all of the wrongs that have been done to them, once again avoiding responsibility. An interesting thing about Christians is that they often maintain their bitterness under the guise of being extremely spiritual, “so spiritual” that God has called them to suffer and be cut off from others, and yet the proof of carnality is that everyone who has disappointed them is covertly punished for the perceived failure.

Bitterness becomes a compulsion, the opposite of which would be the passive blame-taker, whose first response whenever life circumstances get the best of him is to roll over, play dead, and accept all responsibility. Each morning there is the comfort of the known that will take him through the day with the assumption that whatever happens, he is to blame. There is no fear of change. Similarly, but conversely, the bitter can be assured that no matter what, a problem is someone else’s fault.

Yes, bitterness is an addiction that can be likened to smoking cigarettes. When someone starts that habit, he can smoke when he desires: after dinner, at a party, or during leisure times. However, soon enough something very interesting happens. Instead of exercising free will, the smoker heeds the domineering command of a cigarette and goes whenever it calls. At this point, there is addiction. A glorious creature created to listen to the Father above listens instead to a cigarette below. The creature is a slave to a new master. When the misery of this revelation sets in, the smoker begins to make a series of vows and smokes hundreds or even thousands of what become known as “the last cigarette.” Soon there develops frustration, anger, and even depression.

At first bitterness is used as an excuse, but with the passing of time, bitterness uses its holder. The fact most evident, yet rarely discerned by the bitter, is that whoever they are bitter toward has become their god. While in the wilderness, Jesus heard Satan make the request to “fall down and worship me.” The word “worship” means to give attention. Jesus said no! Only God, the Father, would have His attention. Most of us have been hurt by others, but is making those others our gods by continuing to give them our attention not a greater tragedy? Do we want to worship those who offend, abuse, use, and neglect us?

Jesus gives commands not in order to make us more acceptable to God but to make us happy. Forgiving makes any person happy! When we forgive, we rule! When we do not forgive and become bitter, others rule us! The command to love is not for the good of others, but for our own good. What a deception the enemy imparts, that to obey will hinder our happiness. A paramedic once made the observation that he had never had an emergency call from a Bible study, yet he had received many calls from bars and parties. Does the disregard of the commands make us happy?

Bitterness is oppression. The embittered person is oppressed by the enemy, who has invested many hours of whispering about the supposed misery caused by others. The most predominant trait of the bitter is that he considers himself a victim, having had to suffer and go it alone without help, support, or respect. He is isolated, forced to a place of self-sufficiency. No one even cares, and he is angry.

This attitude of bitterness can begin with a dislike, or even hatred, of one’s mate, but soon turns into hatred of the opposite sex. Women are complainers, impossible to please, picky, manipulators, non-submissive, rebellious, and dominant; they only care about seeing a paycheck, they lack respect, and a man never knows what he is coming home to. To a bitter wife, men are proud, insensitive, arrogant, passive know-it-alls who only care about themselves, sex, and having their egos continually stroked; they are slow to fulfill their responsibilities and cannot do things right. Soon, both decide that they can live without sex, communication, approval, or support from their mates. I have personally discipled couples that mutually decided through bitterness to withdraw sexually from one another for periods of more than twenty-seven years, and some were pastors, at that! These attitudes will often be communicated to the children of the couple through various overt or covert messages, resulting in many today being fearful of the opposite sex.

The addiction of bitterness takes surprisingly little time to become a person’s comfort zone. It is actually easy to withdraw and put the mate under the magnifying glass, waiting for the next word or action that will confirm the negative assessment of the relationship and the hopeless state of the mate. I have been amazed how frustrated a bitter believer becomes at the suggestion that his mate may not be as bad as he believes; he hates to hear such a thing! And as I draw attention to the bitter one’s inability to love in spite of offenses, the conversation is immediately turned away from his failure back to the inexcusable behavior of the other. I can only ascertain that this type of person has every intention of remaining bitter.

Finding the way out of bitterness requires the revelation that the person toward whom we are bitter has become, through inappropriate attention, our god. Where there was one problem–the other person’s despised behavior–now there are two, for self-hatred also arises when worshipping someone that caused offense. The third problem occurs when the actions of the one toward whom we are bitter begin to control our actions and even our personality, making us a distortion, no longer ourselves. The behavior of the one that “made us bitter” is blamed for all behavior. “If only you knew what had happened to me, you would be acting even worse than I am right now.” “Of course I am not sleeping with you; do you not understand my pain?” “Of course I am in a bad mood; under similar circumstances you would be in a bad mood, too.” The person that caused the bitterness is in control of every aspect of the “sufferer’s” family and relationships. However, Jesus tells us to love an enemy and pray for those that persecute; by so doing, the enemy will remain the same, but we will walk away free.

I was told of a man who, upon hearing of the hurricane in New Orleans, immediately got in his truck to bring a family to his state and help them get started in a new life. He had trouble finding a black family that wanted to live with a strange white man from the north, let alone in his basement (they do not have basements in New Orleans). At last a pastor persuaded an old woman, her daughter, and granddaughter to go with the man. They arrived to discover the white man lived in a mansion, and the basement had been completely redone for them; it was a walkout basement with a beautiful view. The family had never been in such surroundings. Six weeks later, the white man found the old woman in the kitchen weeping. He approached her, put his arm around her, and said, “I am sorry! Are you homesick? I know it had to be hard to leave everyone you knew! Is there something here that you want changed that is making you uncomfortable or unhappy?” The old woman looked up with tears flowing and said, “None of those things are bothering me. See, I was raised to hate white people, and all my life I have done a good job of it. Yet your kindness has proven me wrong, and I am so sad that I would have acted and talked that way.” His love had broken the stronghold that bitterness had on her. Now her family is settled on the east coast, and the two families take turns annually hosting one another for Thanksgiving dinner!

I must repeat myself over and over again: Anything that can be done without Christ cannot be Christian. We cannot love an enemy but must ask Him to love the enemy; we receive the victory that He gives by simply walking across the room and loving. Often I will be in a place where someone has developed hatred toward me. Inviting Jesus along, I go over and start talking to the person, asking his opinions, what work he does, what about his children, his take on the government, and more. At first his head appears to be spinning with a real look of confusion, for on the one hand, it was settled in his mind and emotions that I was some kind of deceiving monster. On the other hand, I cannot be completely hopeless, because we have found common ground. This is Christian life; the first person to lose is the first person to win. Take up your freedom and walk away from bitterness.

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