Blast! A Woman’s Desire Will Be For Her Husband?

Gen. 3:16:  To the woman He said, “I will greatly multiply Your pain in childbirth, In pain you will bring forth children; Yet your desire will be for your husband,  And he will rule over you.”

Amen, what a thing to say. However, if we see the Lord and His love, we can appreciate that there are two wonderful types of faith into which only a woman can enter. “I will greatly multiply your pain in childbirth.” In the giving of birth, a woman becomes completely other-centered, exactly the attitude that sent Jesus to save mankind; He was other-centered. The most self-centered woman will become other-centered upon the birth of a child. This is an experience that no man will have. The second great move of faith comes from trusting a husband that has flaws. “Yet your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” What a step of faith for a woman. God did not put woman under man because man is superior; on the contrary, He put the woman under the man so she might exercise her faith. Rather than seeing man in the relationship, she would see the God that gave the command and move up in faith to trust Him who asked her to put herself under a flawed man. It is not the command but the God of the command in which a woman must trust. The danger comes with the temptation to put the husband under a magnifying glass to amplify his shortcomings and use those as reason enough to refuse to come under the husband’s headship. Remember, it is not the man but the God of the man under which the wife is to come. If the man were perfect, she would need no faith; a flawed man insures that his rule must be an act of faith in God for a wife. God is not out to get women; He is not an inherent chauvinist. He is all about our learning trust and faith, and a husband and children will make a woman learn just that.

Loss, Loss, and more Loss

“Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it.”—Matthew 7:13, 14

Once when preparing to retire for the evening at an old man’s house, I asked a parting question, “What do you think is the purpose of life?” He never hesitated, just kept walking and mumbled, “Death, death, and more death. Loss, loss, and more loss.” With that, the door to his bedroom closed. I laid in bed for several hours just meditating on what he said. Then I heard Jesus speak through the Scriptures, “Enter through the narrow gate, the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction.” I was then reminded of being in Viet Nam crawling through the tunnels that sprawled underneath the ground. The guide said that there was only one way in, and we had to leave behind all valuables, backpacks, cameras, and hats, because the way was just too small. Oh, how I wished I had not started that journey. At first I entered standing, and then the tunnel narrowed until it was pitch-black darkness. I was scooting along on my stomach, my shoulders and head were hitting the wall above me, and there was barely any air to breathe. Nor was there any turning back. After several minutes, we dropped into a rather large room (10x10x6), a storage area for everything needed to survive: rations, water, medical supplies, and safety. What a trip to get there, though. Then I discovered that this was the first of many such tunnels, with each one opening into a larger room that contained something the soldiers during the war would have needed. Some rooms had been very dangerous, because bombs had been cut into pieces and drug through the tunnels in order for the explosives to be removed, the steel smelted, and hand grenades made.

We have a few years on this planet, where our goal is not gain but loss. Today there are many “Christian Clubs” that promote the idea that we are to accumulate as much as possible, until in the end, it would take a wide path and train of elephants to carry all that was sought after and found. It would never be possible to carry pride, wealth, success, intelligence, superiority, victories over enemies, or titles on the narrow path; that path is not made to accommodate such things. One day, we will all reach the narrow path, and some will get on their hands and knees (a place they have often been) and pass through easily with the knowledge and revelation of Christ. Others will stand their dumbfounded, wondering what they are to do with their great line of amassed possessions. Again, the wrong thing can be said so many times that the right thing sounds wrong. Remember the Jews when they were so mad at Jesus for the pigs that ran over the cliff? My question would have been, “Why are you upset at losing the very thing you were never supposed to have had?” Many believers get depressed because they lose the very thing they should not have had. Some are so undone that the enemy whispers, “Suicide”; that shows a lot of pride. It is no fun to lose, and lose, and lose, but it is the path you have chosen, and though He is the only comfort on the narrow path, is He not more than sufficient? It is no fun to lose family, friends, kids, security, or a marriage. Keep on that narrow path, for it will open into a place that has all you need.

Marriage Under Attack

Nothing is said in the Bible about marriage being under attack, the struggle of marriage, or the conflict in marriage; nor is there anything said about marriage and regret, marriage and happiness, or marriage and fulfillment. Basically, the main theme concerning marriage is that the two will become one flesh. Biblically, flesh is that part of man, who is made somewhat in the image of God, that wants to be God. This means that two “fleshly” people become one “flesh” and will attempt to be God. Well, only God could think of that! Two people yielding to God, wanting to be God, and working to make the other spouse into their image! Wow! At that point I can only say that the purpose of marriage is to make a person miserable and to reveal both self-centeredness and the desire to be God and rule over others. While that is unfolding, he is denying any blame as he casts himself and others into a living hell. Sounds like what I have been seeing; in the last twenty-four months I have encountered more Christian marriages under attack than in the previous ten years. I am not totally objective, I realize that, nor am I the answer man; Jesus is the Way to every answer. However, it amazes me that I could spend time with a husband and enjoy the fellowship or visit with his wife and enjoy the fellowship, but they cannot seem to spend one content hour together. Satan has so clouded the eyes of the believers that they only see the negatives and cannot see God. Amen, I understand the grief in women when they are living with a drunk, drug addict, child abuser, physical abuser, adulterer, and more (things Paul says that we ought not even talk about, and I am thankful that the Lord lets me sleep at night from some of the things I have heard). However, the things that I am hearing lately are completely petty. “You did not support me! You did not initiate intimacy, you do not court me, you only pick out the negatives, you do not support me with the children, you are someone different when we are out with others than at home, you are a fake as a believer, you do not pray with me, and you will not do what I ask you to do.“ Amen, every issue has some validity, but not grounds for bitterness, anger, hatred, emotional walls, and everything else that the believer is not to have even for an unbeliever! Is anyone ever ashamed of this behavior? There seems to be a genuine lack of communication among Christian couples; it has been replaced by a series of reactions. The world already offers us financial, social, and physical strain; do we want discord at home, too? Are we asking God, “What is the deal? What do You want me to do? Maybe I should hit the guy, and maybe I should love him.“ I do not know what God knows. I have been asking people to write, once each day for thirty days, something they love about their mates. They might last about ten days and then come up blank. However, they can write for sixty days all that is wrong with their mates. Attitude is everything. I believe that Jesus is coming, and therefore, no matter what happens in world politics, I am comforted. Do you believe that God brought your mate to reveal something in you? Let Him reveal the selfishness, the lack of love, the list keeping, the dissatisfaction that the flesh always harbors, and turn to Him. Get on your knees and say, “Jesus, what do You have for us? We are finished; we need a Source that lives outside us and inside us.” He is God, it is His responsibility, and He will come. “God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son.” Do we think that He did not love our mates? Listen, His coming is near, and there are three things a marriage needs: communication, common goals, and intimacy. Ask Him to show you where you have gone astray. Honestly, you did not marry your mate because he/she was a complete ass! You did not take vows while looking forward to the day that you would despise seeing the other entering the room. Intimacy in communication and in the physical will break down all barriers. Brothers and Sisters, we are in a battle with a voice that just will not shut up. We will win, and we are those that conquer because of our Lord who already won. One deathblow to self-will brings a refreshing rain on the garden of your relationship. Please follow Christ, take up the cross, deny yourself, and let your marriage flourish.

Recognizing God

Acts 17:24-28, “God, who made the world and everything in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands, nor is He worshiped with men’s hands, as though He needed anything, since He gives to all life, breath, and all things. And He has made from one blood every nation of men to dwell on all the face of the earth, and has determined their preappointed times and the boundaries of their dwellings, so that they should seek the Lord, in the hope that they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us; for in Him we live and move and have our being, as also some of your own poets have said, ‘For we are also His offspring.’”

I am writing to you from Australia, and my age is showing. I forgot my Bible and rely on my electronic Bible in my computer. However, the Gideons continue to be a blessing by putting a Bible in every hotel room; hence, the passage above could be typed out. Over the years, from my personal life experiences to my first world experiences to my Third World experiences, I will forever delight in the sight of a nursing baby. There is nothing like watching the child’s eyes examine the mother as he determines just exactly who this person is that brings such provision, such care, and such love. One day the child realizes it is a very intimate person that has a name; it is not some vague being but a specific individual named Mommy. The young one has a revelation; this heretofore unknown recipient of his gaze now has a name and becomes personalized, and not only is that unknown entity loved, but the baby cannot help but be drawn to his mother. So is the world. God is providing for every single creature; He is loving them, watching over them, listening to them, protecting them, and caring for them. It is the hope of God that in the will of man, he will look up and begin to recognize the one that cares for him. This was Paul’s point in the sermon on the hill in Acts: that God has cared for all of them no matter how pagan, no matter how lost, and no matter how sinful. It is Paul’s desire that they might recognize and call Him by His proper name, Father. In this life there are many situations that God will not fight but use to make us look to Him and discover the One who maintains us. We must point people to the One and continue to point them to the One, no matter how exhausting, in the hope that they might see the One that maintains them.

The Curse of Self-centeredness!

Matthew 23:25, 26, “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and of the dish, but inside they are full of robbery and self-indulgence. You blind Pharisee, first clean the inside of the cup and of the dish, so that the outside of it may become clean also.”

Who among us has not experienced self-centeredness? By the very nature of man, we were created to be other-centered, but we are self-centered. As we look at the creation of the world and God’s desire for man as a bride for His son, we see selflessness. We are made in His image, and nothing but selflessness will suit us. I remember a frightening experience in Malaysia when I went for a walk and a pray, and the “pray” was to play much more into the day than the walk itself. I went close to the shipyards and stumbled across over thirty dogs that encircled with the intent to attack me. As I slowly backed out of the place and surrounded myself with people, the dogs retreated. The point is that though there is nothing positive in the Bible said about dogs or men, most people love a dog, but it is only a blessing when it gives itself to something greater. Dogs are made to give themselves to man and thus become a blessing. Man is made to give himself to God and in that way be a blessing. Man simply is not made to be self-centered, which causes him to shrink and become animal-like; he is meant to be God-centered. Often I have challenged the oppressed to go find someone in great need and help him. The results have been consistent: The helper grows happy! The world says that there is a way, and Jesus says that He is the Way, a Way of giving, of sacrifice, of loving. Those who follow Him on the Way can become so happy as to feel that they might explode. There is no happiness in building for one’s self. We need to realize that we will die, and so for what will we live? Our life can be given to something greater than ourselves, to our loving Father and His people, not exalting self-centeredness, but preferring to despise it.

The Marriage Pain Stick

I often like to mention this particular stick in marriage counseling. The illustration goes like this: The day you get married, God gives you a twenty-inch pain stick to eat. You can only eat one inch per year, and every inch is quite painful, since it involves the dissolution of pride, self, the desire to be adored, and much, much more. At any point you can–and many do–give up and give the stick a heave; you have had it. Who needs it? You can live quite well without marriage, thanks. With the passing of time, loneliness comes to the forefront (man is a social creature), and you find someone that is so totally different from the mate experienced in the past that you are willing to pick up a new pain stick. However, this pain stick is exactly the same length as one given on your previous wedding day, twenty inches. You must start all over again!

I readily admit that during 25 years of counseling, I have seen people that should never have gotten married, period! They have no skills for an intimate relationship or any desire to grow and become something different. Amen, God has something in that. Even Jesus said that Moses allowed divorce because of “hardness of heart.” Some are hard by choice, and they will have to wear that. However, in the normal marriage struggles, a couple gets to glimpse the depths of just how selfish and stupid they really can be. As one man said, “I was going so well in the Lord until my mate entered the room.” What an admission! We are commanded to love our enemies, and yet we avoid loving our mates. Well, we are all on a journey down our own path to discover that He is God and we are not, that He is love and we are not, that He holds all things together and we do not. It is a great trip. Marriage is death, death, death, and more death to the thing we hold dear, ourselves.

Prophets

And I fell at his feet to worship him. And he said to me, “Do not do that; I am a fellow servant of yours and your brethren who hold the testimony of Jesus; worship God. For the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy” (Revelation 19:10).

I have constantly run into prophets in the course of traveling these many years. In these times, prophets are increasing, and I wanted to pass on to you some observations.

1. The real deal. I love those guys; they are purely Christ-centered and point to Jesus in a Spirit-empowered way. They would not let someone spend one second talking about them, for they are pointing to another, Jesus. Many times I cannot remember the names of these brothers who have impacted my life in so many ways, because they were consumed with Christ. Just as with Jesus, there is nothing psychopathic about them! They are not into dreams or visions, their teaching is in the realm of real life, and they are very natural. Also like Jesus, they are defined by their refusals. They refuse to proclaim themselves, to crush anyone, or to further discourage the already downhearted. There are relatively very few of these, but they have been a great source of encouragement to me.

2. False Prophets. I have met only a couple. They were shocking in that they were actually “speaking on behalf of God” and leading people away from Jesus into blatant sin. They can be found in many mainline and orthodox type churches. They are authoritarians who present to believers spiritual and intellectual contentions that right is wrong and wrong is right. These fellows will consistently be trouble.

3. Those that enjoy the title of Prophet. Africa and India are full of these brothers wanting a title, like an American might want to flash around a Ph.D. They generally do some ministry but want to be set apart as having a higher calling and a perceived authority. Many times I do not think they have any idea of what a prophet is; it just sounds better than being a servant. I do not mind these fellows. Generally, after they introduce themselves they do get on with the work of sharing Christ.

4. The neurotic. They are quite common in the West and the “prophets” with which I have had the misfortune of having the most dealing. They are people that have had heaps of childhood rejection, everything from a vicious father to no father. Generally their temperament is Thinker, and at some point they committed suicide of the personality. They do not like who they are in real life, they have had very few successes, and they are not the kind of persons others would naturally gravitate toward. In short, no one would put them in charge of a company. These rejection cases have found a form of Christian religion enabling them to impose, for the first time in their lives, some power and influence over weak believers. They have a deep self-hatred and attempt to manipulate through their special “prophetic” gifting to attract followers. They need followers to validate their existence, and to keep followers on the hook, they dispense “secrets” slowly; they create a dependency on themselves and away from dependence on Christ. They claim to be hearing God personally for their followers or having visions of heaven that really are of no help to the struggling believer other than to be a short diversion from the realities of life. If questioned or starting to feel deserted, there will be veiled or overt threats concerning God’s judgment and what will happen to the followers if they abandon the “teaching.” Usually there is an obsession with repentance and revelation; often they say they have been given a date for the Lord’s return. The book of Revelation is open to nearly any interpretation, and therefore these “prophets” like to camp there. Remember, a neurotic person builds castles in the sky and a psychotic person moves in. The whole thing can easily become psychotic when the new identity is put in the hub of the wheel and every spoke made to feed it. If people call these deluded people prophets, that proves they are; if people do not agree that they are prophets, then that, too, proves they are. I do not discuss with psychotics their “prophetic call”; I direct them, and therefore I refuse to ask them obvious questions like, “Why is God telling you things about me and He is not telling me Himself?” or “How does the revelation move out of heaven into my home?” These they would immediately use in some distorted way to prove their prophetic gift. It does not help to discuss in any way the prophetic gifting, for in so doing, the beast is being fed. It is best to stick to Jesus and the real need a rejected person has: the revelation of Christ. The psychotic prophet only sees two options: remain a prophet or move back to being a rejected nobody. Our goal is for him to embrace a third option: Become a child of God and glory in the Christ that dwells within. I have seen the Lord break through and get people out of varieties of psychoses.

In the end, let Christ be the Prophet. He will speak truth, lead, guide, intercede, and be the mediator. I believe Jesus will send real prophets our way, and when He does, we will walk away with our heart singing and our eyes on all that Jesus is doing for us.

Only One Faith

There is one body and one Spirit, just as also you were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all who is over all and through all and in all (Ephesians 4:4-6).

For years I would read the passage in Ephesians and attempt to discern what was the “one faith” of the Christians. I think I had read the passage so many times with a religious pair of glasses that I was missing the context. The “one faith” referred to is not the one faith among the many faiths in the world, but a statement of fact that there is but one faith, and everything else is a religion. The basic difference between faith and religion is that religion’s success will somehow end at the feet of the worshipper, whereas the success of faith ends at the feet of God. Hence, religion is all about man, and faith is all about God. Religious people are not exercising faith in God; just listen to them talk to realize that life for them revolves around their behavior, knowledge, or attitudes. Whether it be the piety of the Buddhist, the meditation of the Hindu, the gyrations of the Voodoo priest, the Law keeper, the candle (or incense) lighter, the kingdom builder, the “cutting edge” preacher, or the doctrinally correct, there exists between them the fellowship of the religious. Among them, too, a great lie is perpetrated that the exercise of their religion somehow either alters the very flesh of man or the plane of flesh on which all men live. Religious people have an appearance of godliness, as described by Paul to Timothy: “For men will be lovers of self . . . lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; avoid such men as these.” Religious people define what form the godliness will take, so oddly enough they succeed at their own definition! Honestly, I have no vested interest in stating the obvious, but all religious people are failures. The adherents of humanism–which is one great competitor of faith–continue to take human beings’ less than 1% success at playing God and amplify it in their minds and communications until it looks more like 100%. Any of us could come up with a lengthy list of famous people that have been sainted beyond human recognition. Christians have done the same general distortion through stories and images of believers to the point that they would be unrecognizable to those that actually knew, lived, and worked with them. The saddest thing is that many, upon hearing of the exaggerated portrayal of a spectacular spiritual life, begin a lifelong journey to emulate the Christian, who in reality is non-existent. This imitating leads to the disastrous consequences of “acting religious” as they flesh out phony copies of the exalted. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Religious people, no matter what the religion, have fallen short of the glory of God. It is interesting that religious people will focus on certain aspects of religion that most cannot achieve in order to maintain their “position” in their manmade religion. Amen! There is one faith, and in that one faith God deals with man by putting success at His own feet. He gives an attainable faith, for God’s goal is to bring in as many as possible, while religion’s goal is to be as exclusive as possible. ^“But what does it say? ‘The word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart’—that is, the word of faith which we are preaching, that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation. For the Scripture says, ‘Whoever believes in Him will not be disappointed.’”  Paul, seeing the difference between the efforts of man that lead to religion and the work of God that leads to the one faith, rightly says, “Where then is the boasting?” ^“But by His doing you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, and righteousness and sanctification, and redemption, so that, just as it is written, ‘Let him who boasts, boast in the Lord.’” Religious people are like shadows that do not exist in the manner in which they would like to portray themselves. If there were one thing I would have changed in my early life as a Christian, it would have been to take all of the religious people and move them to the fringe of my life, keeping Christ in the center. In this one faith, there will be times of discouragement, failure, doubt, bewilderment, rebellious children, loneliness, outbursts of anger, walking in the flesh, and more. There will also be times of unspeakable joy, fulfillment, satisfaction, encouragement, faith that is mountain moving, and unwavering focus. We are unique creatures, half spirit and half flesh. Just as we walk on two legs we must, for now, walk in two realities, that of the flesh and that of the spirit. Religious people seem to want to go through life hopping, either on the leg called flesh and wanting everything that the visible world might offer, or on the leg called spirit, living a life of avoidance of the world. Did you know no revival has ever taken place around a monastery, whether Buddhist or Christian? We must be of the one faith, of those that see this physical world as one in which life with a small “l” will reveal and perfect Life with a capital “L.” The human being is not an accident, but is exactly what God wanted, for the physical must come before the spiritual. This earth, our bodies, our souls, and our spirits have a common goal: the revelation and choice of the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Just as we bring a bit of heaven to earth, we will also take a bit of earth with us to heaven. Our minds will not go blank when we enter heaven. “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. For we who live are constantly being delivered over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death works in us, but life in you.” When we enter heaven, we will remember and rejoice all the more in the Lamb that was slain.

How is ALMI supported?

Both Hands Occupied

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