Christ, the Giver of Life

John 14:6a, Jesus said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life . . .”

Galatians 1:10 “For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ.”

I was wondering if others have been seeing the same thing I have. This year I have had many successful businessmen, ages 50 – 60, tell me that they had lost all motivation. They have low levels of depression and will say things like, “I should have set my sights higher; I should have had greater challenges,” etc. Also, they have the feeling that if they just kept sending the check to the wife and kids, no one would miss them. I explain it this way to them: Life with a small “l” only gives X amount of satisfaction through vocation, marriage, and rearing children. For argument’s sake let us say that sex, marriage, the kids, or the vocation, on a scale of one to ten, can only give a ten. Marriage at its very best can give a ten in satisfaction. Many marriages are chugging along at a three when they could be a ten. However, there is no eleven, fifteen, or twenty on the life scale, there is only a ten. Many sex addicts, especially in the gay community, want out of sex what sex cannot give. Generally speaking, mankind has unreal and ignorant–and therefore unmet–expectations. All of this is just to say that the men I am seeing have hit the ceiling concerning their vocation, marriage, and everything else that life with a small “l” has to offer. The end result is disillusionment. I believe that this place of disillusionment is exactly what God wanted to accomplish in life with a small “l.” Now instead of sinking into feelings of a lack of fulfillment, this awareness is useful in driving man into Life with a capital “L,” for Life with a capital “L” has no ceiling and always has much more in a much more gospel. There is so much to know and experience in this LIFE.

Unreal Expectations

Romans 8:7 & 8, “Because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so, and those who are in the flesh cannot please God.”

Generally in much of the East a person’s mate and vocation are chosen for him. Therefore, the expectation of what marriage and vocation can add to the quality of life is very low. People there tend to turn to spiritual things (often wrong spirits), the one place where there is no ceiling and a bit of a feeling of freedom. In the West, where the individual can choose a mate and vocation, there exists a very unreal expectation of what marriage and career can give. In fact, those are expected to give what they cannot give in a way totally different from God’s perspective of what marriage and work will accomplish in a person. Remember that the events of earth, passing through His hands, are preparing us for heaven, where there will be no marriage or vocations. In short, He is using our marriage and vocations to prepare us for something greater than what is often portrayed. Our first discovery is that they do not give LIFE, and second, that we cannot live for man. Third, that we are self-centered; fourth, that we are easily offended. Fifth and most importantly, that we are weak in our ability to love, to be faithful, to be content, or to have peace. Most hate to acknowledge it, but here is a simple secret: Admit where you are and you can leave where you are. Admit to God that you are trapped, that you have run out of love for your mate, that you are sick of being used or abused, and admit that you are still looking for life where LIFE cannot be found. Then, simply ask Him to come. A man told me of an experience that he had when he said, “All guilt for my failures fell off me in just the one moment when I realized that I was a bound man.” You see, Abraham received the promise of God and the first thing he did was look at himself, consider himself as good as dead when it came to fulfilling the promise, and trust God to accomplish what he could not do. Have you realized that you are bound and that apart from Him you can do nothing? If God is to get all the glory then God is to do all the work. If I hired you to do a job and then handcuffed you to a tree, what would you think? Yet, the day we believed in Jesus, before we could imitate Him, God crucified us to a tree. He is expecting nothing out of us. He knew what we would be at our worst, and still He chose us. You are feeling weak. Do not do anything except admit that you are bound and ask Him what He is planning on doing. Get your attention away from self and the whole situation. Choose Jesus. Do not make your first choice the promise to change; make your first choice Jesus. As He flows through you to your mate, your experience will be something about which the most romantic novelists or moviemakers have yet to tell!

Captive to Something How?

“Therefore it says, When He ascended on High, He led captive a host of captives, and He gave gifts to men” (Ephesians 4:8).

So many of us, at some time in our Christian lives, believe ourselves to be enslaved to something. It is either a returning habit or a new one, but the slavery seems very real. We have said it before but God cannot, as a shepherd, lead someone that is sitting. We must move to be led, and that means that we must move into a truth to discover the reality of the truth. He has taken captive everything that could have held the believer captive. We are free! Growth for Christians does not comprise a series of efforts to make us free but a series of revelations that make known our freedom. We look at our Red Sea and wonder how WE will part it to obey and go forward. In reality, we step into it and discover that HE is the one that parts it, but only so far as needed for us to place one foot at a time in it. That is the life of faith. It is a lie that we are enslaved or captive to anything but Christ. However, the voice of sin, Satan, the world, and flesh are so loud that sometimes we sit in the chair and bemoan a condition that we do not even have. The glory of God is in choice, and there are none freer to make a choice than the believer. I have counseled people in a variety of situations, among which are several prisons, orphanages, alcohol and drug treatment centers, and with couples in troubled marriages. I have given them information and witnessed some miracles, but it was not the information that ever set the people free; it was their choice to act on the information and to walk in the freedom Christ had already given them. The one dispensing information can never take the credit for a changed life; it was simply that the believer chose to walk in a freedom that was given by Him. I am happy that being obsessed with Betty long before she knew it, that upon her discovery of my love, she chose me. I chose her first, but she responded by choosing me. I am happy that she was not forced to marry me but responded to my choice with her choice. God has chosen you, He chose to set you free, and now you will thrill Him by choosing to walk in it. It is a hard pill to swallow, but if you can choose not to go shopping naked, you can certainly as a believer choose not to walk in what you believe to be a behavior to which you are held captive. Admit where you are so you can leave where you are. Admit that you are choosing to stay in your state and let God work with your honesty.

I Hate Divorce, Part 2

Malachi 2:16, “For I hate divorce, says the Lord God of Israel.”

Let God be true and every man the liar: God does hate divorce. However, He does not say that he hates those people who get a divorce. I am still baffled and ignorant concerning the interpretation of the Scripture by some who spread the notion of no divorce at any cost. I do not understand that, when there can be child abuse of every kind, addictions that deform the whole family composition, children overdosing on drugs, and Christians holding a handgun to their heads and pulling the trigger, all because of a bad marriage. Come and live in my shoes, hearing what I have heard over the decades of marriage counseling, and see if somehow perspective changes. It will never change the fact that God said, “I hate divorce,” but it might make you wonder if He does not more greatly hate the things that lead to divorce, the “hardness of heart.” If the lesser gives way to the greater, then is not the end result of the divorce the lesser in view of the more terrible sins that led up to the divorce? I so often wish that believers could plug a jack into my head and hear the screams from the children that lived with parents who decided to stay married to be obedient. Mind you, the parents’ behavior was not dutiful to any other directives indicated in the Gospel, but somehow not divorcing became to them the supreme act of obedience and a feat in which they could boast. I see this same conviction being widely promulgated by believers.

If you have had a divorce and were a stupid person in your behavior, we at ALMI stand with you. If you have had a divorce after staying in the marriage even beyond when the peace of God left you, we at ALMI stand with you. If you are struggling today, ALMI stands with you. Jesus came that you might have life, and have it abundantly. Our desire, like His, is for you to find abundant life. Remember, we have all failed Him according to the Scriptural directives, but He has never left us nor forsaken us. We can honestly tell Him the facts of our humanity and be open to what He will work into our lives. I remember a couple that had everything going wrong. The husband held two jobs, the wife was sick and yet kept going to work, the teens were rebelling, and their house was in foreclosure. I just said, “I have nothing to give that will relieve your situation. Will you do one thing? Invite Jesus into the pit in which you have found yourselves. Every situation into which you invite Him is one for which He will take responsibility. Only Jesus can lift your spirit.” The next week they arrived with a big smile. I mistakenly assumed something wonderful had taken place—perhaps a new job, kids turning around, or the dynamics of the marriage changing–and I asked what had happened. The husband said, “Well, I lost one of my jobs!” That did not explain the smile until he continued on to say, “We invited Jesus into the pit! Nothing changed but our attitude, and now we have hope.” Invite Him in. Relationship is the hardest and messiest thing you will ever experience. Marriage can be a tough pit; ask Him to enter in. Either we have a God or we do not have a God! Brothers and Sisters in Christ, we have a God. Remember, God does NOT hate you. Do not be a pessimist about marriage; there is no waste in God, and past bad experiences bring new life into today.

Loss, Loss, and more Loss

“Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it.”—Matthew 7:13, 14

Once when preparing to retire for the evening at an old man’s house, I asked a parting question, “What do you think is the purpose of life?” He never hesitated, just kept walking and mumbled, “Death, death, and more death. Loss, loss, and more loss.” With that, the door to his bedroom closed. I laid in bed for several hours just meditating on what he said. Then I heard Jesus speak through the Scriptures, “Enter through the narrow gate, the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction.” I was then reminded of being in Viet Nam crawling through the tunnels that sprawled underneath the ground. The guide said that there was only one way in, and we had to leave behind all valuables, backpacks, cameras, and hats, because the way was just too small. Oh, how I wished I had not started that journey. At first I entered standing, and then the tunnel narrowed until it was pitch-black darkness. I was scooting along on my stomach, my shoulders and head were hitting the wall above me, and there was barely any air to breathe. Nor was there any turning back. After several minutes, we dropped into a rather large room (10x10x6), a storage area for everything needed to survive: rations, water, medical supplies, and safety. What a trip to get there, though. Then I discovered that this was the first of many such tunnels, with each one opening into a larger room that contained something the soldiers during the war would have needed. Some rooms had been very dangerous, because bombs had been cut into pieces and drug through the tunnels in order for the explosives to be removed, the steel smelted, and hand grenades made.

We have a few years on this planet, where our goal is not gain but loss. Today there are many “Christian Clubs” that promote the idea that we are to accumulate as much as possible, until in the end, it would take a wide path and train of elephants to carry all that was sought after and found. It would never be possible to carry pride, wealth, success, intelligence, superiority, victories over enemies, or titles on the narrow path; that path is not made to accommodate such things. One day, we will all reach the narrow path, and some will get on their hands and knees (a place they have often been) and pass through easily with the knowledge and revelation of Christ. Others will stand their dumbfounded, wondering what they are to do with their great line of amassed possessions. Again, the wrong thing can be said so many times that the right thing sounds wrong. Remember the Jews when they were so mad at Jesus for the pigs that ran over the cliff? My question would have been, “Why are you upset at losing the very thing you were never supposed to have had?” Many believers get depressed because they lose the very thing they should not have had. Some are so undone that the enemy whispers, “Suicide”; that shows a lot of pride. It is no fun to lose, and lose, and lose, but it is the path you have chosen, and though He is the only comfort on the narrow path, is He not more than sufficient? It is no fun to lose family, friends, kids, security, or a marriage. Keep on that narrow path, for it will open into a place that has all you need.

Marriage Under Attack

Nothing is said in the Bible about marriage being under attack, the struggle of marriage, or the conflict in marriage; nor is there anything said about marriage and regret, marriage and happiness, or marriage and fulfillment. Basically, the main theme concerning marriage is that the two will become one flesh. Biblically, flesh is that part of man, who is made somewhat in the image of God, that wants to be God. This means that two “fleshly” people become one “flesh” and will attempt to be God. Well, only God could think of that! Two people yielding to God, wanting to be God, and working to make the other spouse into their image! Wow! At that point I can only say that the purpose of marriage is to make a person miserable and to reveal both self-centeredness and the desire to be God and rule over others. While that is unfolding, he is denying any blame as he casts himself and others into a living hell. Sounds like what I have been seeing; in the last twenty-four months I have encountered more Christian marriages under attack than in the previous ten years. I am not totally objective, I realize that, nor am I the answer man; Jesus is the Way to every answer. However, it amazes me that I could spend time with a husband and enjoy the fellowship or visit with his wife and enjoy the fellowship, but they cannot seem to spend one content hour together. Satan has so clouded the eyes of the believers that they only see the negatives and cannot see God. Amen, I understand the grief in women when they are living with a drunk, drug addict, child abuser, physical abuser, adulterer, and more (things Paul says that we ought not even talk about, and I am thankful that the Lord lets me sleep at night from some of the things I have heard). However, the things that I am hearing lately are completely petty. “You did not support me! You did not initiate intimacy, you do not court me, you only pick out the negatives, you do not support me with the children, you are someone different when we are out with others than at home, you are a fake as a believer, you do not pray with me, and you will not do what I ask you to do.“ Amen, every issue has some validity, but not grounds for bitterness, anger, hatred, emotional walls, and everything else that the believer is not to have even for an unbeliever! Is anyone ever ashamed of this behavior? There seems to be a genuine lack of communication among Christian couples; it has been replaced by a series of reactions. The world already offers us financial, social, and physical strain; do we want discord at home, too? Are we asking God, “What is the deal? What do You want me to do? Maybe I should hit the guy, and maybe I should love him.“ I do not know what God knows. I have been asking people to write, once each day for thirty days, something they love about their mates. They might last about ten days and then come up blank. However, they can write for sixty days all that is wrong with their mates. Attitude is everything. I believe that Jesus is coming, and therefore, no matter what happens in world politics, I am comforted. Do you believe that God brought your mate to reveal something in you? Let Him reveal the selfishness, the lack of love, the list keeping, the dissatisfaction that the flesh always harbors, and turn to Him. Get on your knees and say, “Jesus, what do You have for us? We are finished; we need a Source that lives outside us and inside us.” He is God, it is His responsibility, and He will come. “God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son.” Do we think that He did not love our mates? Listen, His coming is near, and there are three things a marriage needs: communication, common goals, and intimacy. Ask Him to show you where you have gone astray. Honestly, you did not marry your mate because he/she was a complete ass! You did not take vows while looking forward to the day that you would despise seeing the other entering the room. Intimacy in communication and in the physical will break down all barriers. Brothers and Sisters, we are in a battle with a voice that just will not shut up. We will win, and we are those that conquer because of our Lord who already won. One deathblow to self-will brings a refreshing rain on the garden of your relationship. Please follow Christ, take up the cross, deny yourself, and let your marriage flourish.

The Marriage Pain Stick

I often like to mention this particular stick in marriage counseling. The illustration goes like this: The day you get married, God gives you a twenty-inch pain stick to eat. You can only eat one inch per year, and every inch is quite painful, since it involves the dissolution of pride, self, the desire to be adored, and much, much more. At any point you can–and many do–give up and give the stick a heave; you have had it. Who needs it? You can live quite well without marriage, thanks. With the passing of time, loneliness comes to the forefront (man is a social creature), and you find someone that is so totally different from the mate experienced in the past that you are willing to pick up a new pain stick. However, this pain stick is exactly the same length as one given on your previous wedding day, twenty inches. You must start all over again!

I readily admit that during 25 years of counseling, I have seen people that should never have gotten married, period! They have no skills for an intimate relationship or any desire to grow and become something different. Amen, God has something in that. Even Jesus said that Moses allowed divorce because of “hardness of heart.” Some are hard by choice, and they will have to wear that. However, in the normal marriage struggles, a couple gets to glimpse the depths of just how selfish and stupid they really can be. As one man said, “I was going so well in the Lord until my mate entered the room.” What an admission! We are commanded to love our enemies, and yet we avoid loving our mates. Well, we are all on a journey down our own path to discover that He is God and we are not, that He is love and we are not, that He holds all things together and we do not. It is a great trip. Marriage is death, death, death, and more death to the thing we hold dear, ourselves.

Male Validation

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Pegs and Relationships!

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