Captive to Something How?

“Therefore it says, When He ascended on High, He led captive a host of captives, and He gave gifts to men” (Ephesians 4:8).

So many of us, at some time in our Christian lives, believe ourselves to be enslaved to something. It is either a returning habit or a new one, but the slavery seems very real. We have said it before but God cannot, as a shepherd, lead someone that is sitting. We must move to be led, and that means that we must move into a truth to discover the reality of the truth. He has taken captive everything that could have held the believer captive. We are free! Growth for Christians does not comprise a series of efforts to make us free but a series of revelations that make known our freedom. We look at our Red Sea and wonder how WE will part it to obey and go forward. In reality, we step into it and discover that HE is the one that parts it, but only so far as needed for us to place one foot at a time in it. That is the life of faith. It is a lie that we are enslaved or captive to anything but Christ. However, the voice of sin, Satan, the world, and flesh are so loud that sometimes we sit in the chair and bemoan a condition that we do not even have. The glory of God is in choice, and there are none freer to make a choice than the believer. I have counseled people in a variety of situations, among which are several prisons, orphanages, alcohol and drug treatment centers, and with couples in troubled marriages. I have given them information and witnessed some miracles, but it was not the information that ever set the people free; it was their choice to act on the information and to walk in the freedom Christ had already given them. The one dispensing information can never take the credit for a changed life; it was simply that the believer chose to walk in a freedom that was given by Him. I am happy that being obsessed with Betty long before she knew it, that upon her discovery of my love, she chose me. I chose her first, but she responded by choosing me. I am happy that she was not forced to marry me but responded to my choice with her choice. God has chosen you, He chose to set you free, and now you will thrill Him by choosing to walk in it. It is a hard pill to swallow, but if you can choose not to go shopping naked, you can certainly as a believer choose not to walk in what you believe to be a behavior to which you are held captive. Admit where you are so you can leave where you are. Admit that you are choosing to stay in your state and let God work with your honesty.

Spiritual Frankenstein!

Revelation 21:9 “Then one of the seven angels who had the seven bowls full of the seven last plagues came and spoke with me, saying, ‘Come here, I will show you the bride, the wife of the Lamb.’”

Shelley’s novel, Frankenstein: or, the Modern Prometheus (1818), is a combination of Gothic horror story and science fiction. The book tells the story of Victor Frankenstein, a Swiss student of natural science who created an artificial man from pieces of corpses and brought his creature to life. Though it initially seeks affection, the monster inspires loathing in everyone who meets it. Lonely and miserable, the monster turns upon its creator, who eventually loses his life. I think that Shelley was on to something as a low, worldly contrast to the picture of a spiritual reality. God at this very moment is putting together the Bride of Christ. It will be a beautiful combination of all the believers from around the world. It will not resemble the hodgepodge Frankenstein but a beautiful Bride that needed every believer to make it the most beautiful bride ever. You are needed! Period! One day I was talking to the Lord and made a request (remember, all of His sheep hear His voice, and one day we discover that our thoughts of Light and Life actually came from Him). “I want to know all there is to know about Jesus in this life. I want to know all that a man can know.” He spoke, and at first I was not happy with His remarks. “In My house there are many treasure chests; none of them are exclusive to one man. There is a chest with your name on it, which you will open, but you will not open all the others. I am too big for one man, and each man will have his own chest. My treasure is too much for one man to describe, so it will take millions to do that. My bride is not made up of one but of many, and it will take all of those that love me to describe Me.” Well, I was discouraged; I wanted everything for myself. Yet, I could see that He is bigger than what I could describe, and we needed every member of the body of Christ to begin to express Him. There are not great men of God, but only weak men and women with a great God. There is something about Jesus that can only be expressed through you. Beautiful! Press on, for the rest of us desperately need to know what you know of Jesus in heaven.

Divorce and Bitterness

When I talk to a brother or sister contemplating divorce, I immediately explain how he or she is presently feeling. The response most often will be, “How did you know exactly how I was feeling?” Quite simply, I say, I just described the characteristics of a bitter person. The mate’s behavior is not dictating how the person now feels, although he or she believes that it is. Bitterness is the true dictator, a most divisive and destructive force to which many believers have succumbed. “See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled” (Hebrews 12:15). “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:31, 32).

What are some of the common signs of bitterness in a relationship? The bitter person is responsible for them, remember, for it is not the actions of others that cause bitterness, but rather a hard heart and ears attuned to the enemy’s voice, providing the soil bitterness needs to grow. There is a difference between being offended and being bitter. We do not find Jesus, the one Man in all of humanity who was offended the most, ever bitter. Blame must rest squarely on the shoulders of the person who is bitter.

Bitterness is an attitude that grows until its roots are entangled throughout the person’s mind, will, and emotions. Any attempt to remove this poisonous plant will be met with resistance through desire, intellectual arguments, and the feeling of hopelessness. Bitterness can even be considered an addiction. There is a soothing inner calm for those who have become accustomed to it, for though everything outside of them seems out of control, they can at least control their bitterness and make others pay for the perceived wrongs they have done. The majority of believers under emotional stress will either have an outer or inner explosion (which normally converts into depression), and with the passing of time all is forgotten. However, the bitter do neither of these; their explosions do not pass. They accept a lifestyle, a path that allows them the luxury of avoiding personal responsibility for the remainder of life. A child grows embittered toward the parent, and the more the child fails in life, the more anger he exhibits toward the parent. This is living in a distorted reality, a neurosis. When events begin to pressure the bitter people into accepting blame, they immediately recall all of the wrongs that have been done to them, once again avoiding responsibility. An interesting thing about Christians is that they often maintain their bitterness under the guise of being extremely spiritual, “so spiritual” that God has called them to suffer and be cut off from others, and yet the proof of carnality is that everyone who has disappointed them is covertly punished for the perceived failure.

Bitterness becomes a compulsion, the opposite of which would be the passive blame-taker, whose first response whenever life circumstances get the best of him is to roll over, play dead, and accept all responsibility. Each morning there is the comfort of the known that will take him through the day with the assumption that whatever happens, he is to blame. There is no fear of change. Similarly, but conversely, the bitter can be assured that no matter what, a problem is someone else’s fault.

Yes, bitterness is an addiction that can be likened to smoking cigarettes. When someone starts that habit, he can smoke when he desires: after dinner, at a party, or during leisure times. However, soon enough something very interesting happens. Instead of exercising free will, the smoker heeds the domineering command of a cigarette and goes whenever it calls. At this point, there is addiction. A glorious creature created to listen to the Father above listens instead to a cigarette below. The creature is a slave to a new master. When the misery of this revelation sets in, the smoker begins to make a series of vows and smokes hundreds or even thousands of what become known as “the last cigarette.” Soon there develops frustration, anger, and even depression.

At first bitterness is used as an excuse, but with the passing of time, bitterness uses its holder. The fact most evident, yet rarely discerned by the bitter, is that whoever they are bitter toward has become their god. While in the wilderness, Jesus heard Satan make the request to “fall down and worship me.” The word “worship” means to give attention. Jesus said no! Only God, the Father, would have His attention. Most of us have been hurt by others, but is making those others our gods by continuing to give them our attention not a greater tragedy? Do we want to worship those who offend, abuse, use, and neglect us?

Jesus gives commands not in order to make us more acceptable to God but to make us happy. Forgiving makes any person happy! When we forgive, we rule! When we do not forgive and become bitter, others rule us! The command to love is not for the good of others, but for our own good. What a deception the enemy imparts, that to obey will hinder our happiness. A paramedic once made the observation that he had never had an emergency call from a Bible study, yet he had received many calls from bars and parties. Does the disregard of the commands make us happy?

Bitterness is oppression. The embittered person is oppressed by the enemy, who has invested many hours of whispering about the supposed misery caused by others. The most predominant trait of the bitter is that he considers himself a victim, having had to suffer and go it alone without help, support, or respect. He is isolated, forced to a place of self-sufficiency. No one even cares, and he is angry.

This attitude of bitterness can begin with a dislike, or even hatred, of one’s mate, but soon turns into hatred of the opposite sex. Women are complainers, impossible to please, picky, manipulators, non-submissive, rebellious, and dominant; they only care about seeing a paycheck, they lack respect, and a man never knows what he is coming home to. To a bitter wife, men are proud, insensitive, arrogant, passive know-it-alls who only care about themselves, sex, and having their egos continually stroked; they are slow to fulfill their responsibilities and cannot do things right. Soon, both decide that they can live without sex, communication, approval, or support from their mates. I have personally discipled couples that mutually decided through bitterness to withdraw sexually from one another for periods of more than twenty-seven years, and some were pastors, at that! These attitudes will often be communicated to the children of the couple through various overt or covert messages, resulting in many today being fearful of the opposite sex.

The addiction of bitterness takes surprisingly little time to become a person’s comfort zone. It is actually easy to withdraw and put the mate under the magnifying glass, waiting for the next word or action that will confirm the negative assessment of the relationship and the hopeless state of the mate. I have been amazed how frustrated a bitter believer becomes at the suggestion that his mate may not be as bad as he believes; he hates to hear such a thing! And as I draw attention to the bitter one’s inability to love in spite of offenses, the conversation is immediately turned away from his failure back to the inexcusable behavior of the other. I can only ascertain that this type of person has every intention of remaining bitter.

Finding the way out of bitterness requires the revelation that the person toward whom we are bitter has become, through inappropriate attention, our god. Where there was one problem–the other person’s despised behavior–now there are two, for self-hatred also arises when worshipping someone that caused offense. The third problem occurs when the actions of the one toward whom we are bitter begin to control our actions and even our personality, making us a distortion, no longer ourselves. The behavior of the one that “made us bitter” is blamed for all behavior. “If only you knew what had happened to me, you would be acting even worse than I am right now.” “Of course I am not sleeping with you; do you not understand my pain?” “Of course I am in a bad mood; under similar circumstances you would be in a bad mood, too.” The person that caused the bitterness is in control of every aspect of the “sufferer’s” family and relationships. However, Jesus tells us to love an enemy and pray for those that persecute; by so doing, the enemy will remain the same, but we will walk away free.

I was told of a man who, upon hearing of the hurricane in New Orleans, immediately got in his truck to bring a family to his state and help them get started in a new life. He had trouble finding a black family that wanted to live with a strange white man from the north, let alone in his basement (they do not have basements in New Orleans). At last a pastor persuaded an old woman, her daughter, and granddaughter to go with the man. They arrived to discover the white man lived in a mansion, and the basement had been completely redone for them; it was a walkout basement with a beautiful view. The family had never been in such surroundings. Six weeks later, the white man found the old woman in the kitchen weeping. He approached her, put his arm around her, and said, “I am sorry! Are you homesick? I know it had to be hard to leave everyone you knew! Is there something here that you want changed that is making you uncomfortable or unhappy?” The old woman looked up with tears flowing and said, “None of those things are bothering me. See, I was raised to hate white people, and all my life I have done a good job of it. Yet your kindness has proven me wrong, and I am so sad that I would have acted and talked that way.” His love had broken the stronghold that bitterness had on her. Now her family is settled on the east coast, and the two families take turns annually hosting one another for Thanksgiving dinner!

I must repeat myself over and over again: Anything that can be done without Christ cannot be Christian. We cannot love an enemy but must ask Him to love the enemy; we receive the victory that He gives by simply walking across the room and loving. Often I will be in a place where someone has developed hatred toward me. Inviting Jesus along, I go over and start talking to the person, asking his opinions, what work he does, what about his children, his take on the government, and more. At first his head appears to be spinning with a real look of confusion, for on the one hand, it was settled in his mind and emotions that I was some kind of deceiving monster. On the other hand, I cannot be completely hopeless, because we have found common ground. This is Christian life; the first person to lose is the first person to win. Take up your freedom and walk away from bitterness.

Loss, Loss, and more Loss

“Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it.”—Matthew 7:13, 14

Once when preparing to retire for the evening at an old man’s house, I asked a parting question, “What do you think is the purpose of life?” He never hesitated, just kept walking and mumbled, “Death, death, and more death. Loss, loss, and more loss.” With that, the door to his bedroom closed. I laid in bed for several hours just meditating on what he said. Then I heard Jesus speak through the Scriptures, “Enter through the narrow gate, the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction.” I was then reminded of being in Viet Nam crawling through the tunnels that sprawled underneath the ground. The guide said that there was only one way in, and we had to leave behind all valuables, backpacks, cameras, and hats, because the way was just too small. Oh, how I wished I had not started that journey. At first I entered standing, and then the tunnel narrowed until it was pitch-black darkness. I was scooting along on my stomach, my shoulders and head were hitting the wall above me, and there was barely any air to breathe. Nor was there any turning back. After several minutes, we dropped into a rather large room (10x10x6), a storage area for everything needed to survive: rations, water, medical supplies, and safety. What a trip to get there, though. Then I discovered that this was the first of many such tunnels, with each one opening into a larger room that contained something the soldiers during the war would have needed. Some rooms had been very dangerous, because bombs had been cut into pieces and drug through the tunnels in order for the explosives to be removed, the steel smelted, and hand grenades made.

We have a few years on this planet, where our goal is not gain but loss. Today there are many “Christian Clubs” that promote the idea that we are to accumulate as much as possible, until in the end, it would take a wide path and train of elephants to carry all that was sought after and found. It would never be possible to carry pride, wealth, success, intelligence, superiority, victories over enemies, or titles on the narrow path; that path is not made to accommodate such things. One day, we will all reach the narrow path, and some will get on their hands and knees (a place they have often been) and pass through easily with the knowledge and revelation of Christ. Others will stand their dumbfounded, wondering what they are to do with their great line of amassed possessions. Again, the wrong thing can be said so many times that the right thing sounds wrong. Remember the Jews when they were so mad at Jesus for the pigs that ran over the cliff? My question would have been, “Why are you upset at losing the very thing you were never supposed to have had?” Many believers get depressed because they lose the very thing they should not have had. Some are so undone that the enemy whispers, “Suicide”; that shows a lot of pride. It is no fun to lose, and lose, and lose, but it is the path you have chosen, and though He is the only comfort on the narrow path, is He not more than sufficient? It is no fun to lose family, friends, kids, security, or a marriage. Keep on that narrow path, for it will open into a place that has all you need.

Recognizing God

Acts 17:24-28, “God, who made the world and everything in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands, nor is He worshiped with men’s hands, as though He needed anything, since He gives to all life, breath, and all things. And He has made from one blood every nation of men to dwell on all the face of the earth, and has determined their preappointed times and the boundaries of their dwellings, so that they should seek the Lord, in the hope that they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us; for in Him we live and move and have our being, as also some of your own poets have said, ‘For we are also His offspring.’”

I am writing to you from Australia, and my age is showing. I forgot my Bible and rely on my electronic Bible in my computer. However, the Gideons continue to be a blessing by putting a Bible in every hotel room; hence, the passage above could be typed out. Over the years, from my personal life experiences to my first world experiences to my Third World experiences, I will forever delight in the sight of a nursing baby. There is nothing like watching the child’s eyes examine the mother as he determines just exactly who this person is that brings such provision, such care, and such love. One day the child realizes it is a very intimate person that has a name; it is not some vague being but a specific individual named Mommy. The young one has a revelation; this heretofore unknown recipient of his gaze now has a name and becomes personalized, and not only is that unknown entity loved, but the baby cannot help but be drawn to his mother. So is the world. God is providing for every single creature; He is loving them, watching over them, listening to them, protecting them, and caring for them. It is the hope of God that in the will of man, he will look up and begin to recognize the one that cares for him. This was Paul’s point in the sermon on the hill in Acts: that God has cared for all of them no matter how pagan, no matter how lost, and no matter how sinful. It is Paul’s desire that they might recognize and call Him by His proper name, Father. In this life there are many situations that God will not fight but use to make us look to Him and discover the One who maintains us. We must point people to the One and continue to point them to the One, no matter how exhausting, in the hope that they might see the One that maintains them.

The Marriage Pain Stick

I often like to mention this particular stick in marriage counseling. The illustration goes like this: The day you get married, God gives you a twenty-inch pain stick to eat. You can only eat one inch per year, and every inch is quite painful, since it involves the dissolution of pride, self, the desire to be adored, and much, much more. At any point you can–and many do–give up and give the stick a heave; you have had it. Who needs it? You can live quite well without marriage, thanks. With the passing of time, loneliness comes to the forefront (man is a social creature), and you find someone that is so totally different from the mate experienced in the past that you are willing to pick up a new pain stick. However, this pain stick is exactly the same length as one given on your previous wedding day, twenty inches. You must start all over again!

I readily admit that during 25 years of counseling, I have seen people that should never have gotten married, period! They have no skills for an intimate relationship or any desire to grow and become something different. Amen, God has something in that. Even Jesus said that Moses allowed divorce because of “hardness of heart.” Some are hard by choice, and they will have to wear that. However, in the normal marriage struggles, a couple gets to glimpse the depths of just how selfish and stupid they really can be. As one man said, “I was going so well in the Lord until my mate entered the room.” What an admission! We are commanded to love our enemies, and yet we avoid loving our mates. Well, we are all on a journey down our own path to discover that He is God and we are not, that He is love and we are not, that He holds all things together and we do not. It is a great trip. Marriage is death, death, death, and more death to the thing we hold dear, ourselves.

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