The Dealer

“For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires.” 2 Timothy 4:3

As a youth working in the inner city of Chicago, I was always mystified by the drug dealer. He would stand next to an expensive convertible, have on a fur coat and big hat, flash gold teeth, and usually be accompanied by more than one woman dressed to fit the motif. He exuded all the deeds of the flesh. There was always a demeaning air about him as he dealt with those lining up to make their purchases. He had something that they wanted (or had to have, in some cases), and that gave him the upper hand; he could be as rude as he wanted to be. It was vexing to watch the twisted, worn, and toothless come to make their purchases. Even then I knew that a lesser gave way to a greater, and the reason he so despised those pathetic creatures was because he needed them to maintain his lifestyle. Something in him knew that he was lesser and they the greater, and this he disliked. I am seeing something similar that is disturbing today. The “spiritual” dealer is nearly a mirror of the drug dealer. I have heard the sermon on “seed money” so many times from the “spiritual” dealer as he admonishes believers to give and it will come back to them. The “spiritual” dealer may own three twenty-million-dollar homes, a jet, designer clothes, a multitude of luxury cars, and jewelry. This is all justified, because Jesus deserves the best. But Jesus is not living in the houses. Jesus had a robe with no pockets for collecting things; His Kingdom was not of this earth. Yet believers line up to give to such foolishness, even though the “spiritual” dealer talks about his followers with disdain, due to the clear separation between “us and them.” I watched a hidden camera catching the  “spiritual” dealers sweep up the donations, put them in trash bags, laugh, and gad about town on a shopping spree. I have to say that these things are good, because God has permitted them for the revelation of many hearts. In the context of His will, He gives the desire of the heart; and if it is health, wealth, security, and fame, it may be given. However, if the heart’s desire is to know Him in this short life, that also will be given. We are not to peddle or promote ourselves, but Christ. The best way to stay away from a drug dealer is never to let what he has stir something in our flesh. The best way to avoid the “spiritual” dealer is never to let his appearance stir some flesh in us. Finally, we can ask for the grace of God to accomplish, in this life, our never being sidetracked by giving attention to something that surrounds Him, but is not Him.

Divorce and Bitterness

When I talk to a brother or sister contemplating divorce, I immediately explain how he or she is presently feeling. The response most often will be, “How did you know exactly how I was feeling?” Quite simply, I say, I just described the characteristics of a bitter person. The mate’s behavior is not dictating how the person now feels, although he or she believes that it is. Bitterness is the true dictator, a most divisive and destructive force to which many believers have succumbed. “See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled” (Hebrews 12:15). “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:31, 32).

What are some of the common signs of bitterness in a relationship? The bitter person is responsible for them, remember, for it is not the actions of others that cause bitterness, but rather a hard heart and ears attuned to the enemy’s voice, providing the soil bitterness needs to grow. There is a difference between being offended and being bitter. We do not find Jesus, the one Man in all of humanity who was offended the most, ever bitter. Blame must rest squarely on the shoulders of the person who is bitter.

Bitterness is an attitude that grows until its roots are entangled throughout the person’s mind, will, and emotions. Any attempt to remove this poisonous plant will be met with resistance through desire, intellectual arguments, and the feeling of hopelessness. Bitterness can even be considered an addiction. There is a soothing inner calm for those who have become accustomed to it, for though everything outside of them seems out of control, they can at least control their bitterness and make others pay for the perceived wrongs they have done. The majority of believers under emotional stress will either have an outer or inner explosion (which normally converts into depression), and with the passing of time all is forgotten. However, the bitter do neither of these; their explosions do not pass. They accept a lifestyle, a path that allows them the luxury of avoiding personal responsibility for the remainder of life. A child grows embittered toward the parent, and the more the child fails in life, the more anger he exhibits toward the parent. This is living in a distorted reality, a neurosis. When events begin to pressure the bitter people into accepting blame, they immediately recall all of the wrongs that have been done to them, once again avoiding responsibility. An interesting thing about Christians is that they often maintain their bitterness under the guise of being extremely spiritual, “so spiritual” that God has called them to suffer and be cut off from others, and yet the proof of carnality is that everyone who has disappointed them is covertly punished for the perceived failure.

Bitterness becomes a compulsion, the opposite of which would be the passive blame-taker, whose first response whenever life circumstances get the best of him is to roll over, play dead, and accept all responsibility. Each morning there is the comfort of the known that will take him through the day with the assumption that whatever happens, he is to blame. There is no fear of change. Similarly, but conversely, the bitter can be assured that no matter what, a problem is someone else’s fault.

Yes, bitterness is an addiction that can be likened to smoking cigarettes. When someone starts that habit, he can smoke when he desires: after dinner, at a party, or during leisure times. However, soon enough something very interesting happens. Instead of exercising free will, the smoker heeds the domineering command of a cigarette and goes whenever it calls. At this point, there is addiction. A glorious creature created to listen to the Father above listens instead to a cigarette below. The creature is a slave to a new master. When the misery of this revelation sets in, the smoker begins to make a series of vows and smokes hundreds or even thousands of what become known as “the last cigarette.” Soon there develops frustration, anger, and even depression.

At first bitterness is used as an excuse, but with the passing of time, bitterness uses its holder. The fact most evident, yet rarely discerned by the bitter, is that whoever they are bitter toward has become their god. While in the wilderness, Jesus heard Satan make the request to “fall down and worship me.” The word “worship” means to give attention. Jesus said no! Only God, the Father, would have His attention. Most of us have been hurt by others, but is making those others our gods by continuing to give them our attention not a greater tragedy? Do we want to worship those who offend, abuse, use, and neglect us?

Jesus gives commands not in order to make us more acceptable to God but to make us happy. Forgiving makes any person happy! When we forgive, we rule! When we do not forgive and become bitter, others rule us! The command to love is not for the good of others, but for our own good. What a deception the enemy imparts, that to obey will hinder our happiness. A paramedic once made the observation that he had never had an emergency call from a Bible study, yet he had received many calls from bars and parties. Does the disregard of the commands make us happy?

Bitterness is oppression. The embittered person is oppressed by the enemy, who has invested many hours of whispering about the supposed misery caused by others. The most predominant trait of the bitter is that he considers himself a victim, having had to suffer and go it alone without help, support, or respect. He is isolated, forced to a place of self-sufficiency. No one even cares, and he is angry.

This attitude of bitterness can begin with a dislike, or even hatred, of one’s mate, but soon turns into hatred of the opposite sex. Women are complainers, impossible to please, picky, manipulators, non-submissive, rebellious, and dominant; they only care about seeing a paycheck, they lack respect, and a man never knows what he is coming home to. To a bitter wife, men are proud, insensitive, arrogant, passive know-it-alls who only care about themselves, sex, and having their egos continually stroked; they are slow to fulfill their responsibilities and cannot do things right. Soon, both decide that they can live without sex, communication, approval, or support from their mates. I have personally discipled couples that mutually decided through bitterness to withdraw sexually from one another for periods of more than twenty-seven years, and some were pastors, at that! These attitudes will often be communicated to the children of the couple through various overt or covert messages, resulting in many today being fearful of the opposite sex.

The addiction of bitterness takes surprisingly little time to become a person’s comfort zone. It is actually easy to withdraw and put the mate under the magnifying glass, waiting for the next word or action that will confirm the negative assessment of the relationship and the hopeless state of the mate. I have been amazed how frustrated a bitter believer becomes at the suggestion that his mate may not be as bad as he believes; he hates to hear such a thing! And as I draw attention to the bitter one’s inability to love in spite of offenses, the conversation is immediately turned away from his failure back to the inexcusable behavior of the other. I can only ascertain that this type of person has every intention of remaining bitter.

Finding the way out of bitterness requires the revelation that the person toward whom we are bitter has become, through inappropriate attention, our god. Where there was one problem–the other person’s despised behavior–now there are two, for self-hatred also arises when worshipping someone that caused offense. The third problem occurs when the actions of the one toward whom we are bitter begin to control our actions and even our personality, making us a distortion, no longer ourselves. The behavior of the one that “made us bitter” is blamed for all behavior. “If only you knew what had happened to me, you would be acting even worse than I am right now.” “Of course I am not sleeping with you; do you not understand my pain?” “Of course I am in a bad mood; under similar circumstances you would be in a bad mood, too.” The person that caused the bitterness is in control of every aspect of the “sufferer’s” family and relationships. However, Jesus tells us to love an enemy and pray for those that persecute; by so doing, the enemy will remain the same, but we will walk away free.

I was told of a man who, upon hearing of the hurricane in New Orleans, immediately got in his truck to bring a family to his state and help them get started in a new life. He had trouble finding a black family that wanted to live with a strange white man from the north, let alone in his basement (they do not have basements in New Orleans). At last a pastor persuaded an old woman, her daughter, and granddaughter to go with the man. They arrived to discover the white man lived in a mansion, and the basement had been completely redone for them; it was a walkout basement with a beautiful view. The family had never been in such surroundings. Six weeks later, the white man found the old woman in the kitchen weeping. He approached her, put his arm around her, and said, “I am sorry! Are you homesick? I know it had to be hard to leave everyone you knew! Is there something here that you want changed that is making you uncomfortable or unhappy?” The old woman looked up with tears flowing and said, “None of those things are bothering me. See, I was raised to hate white people, and all my life I have done a good job of it. Yet your kindness has proven me wrong, and I am so sad that I would have acted and talked that way.” His love had broken the stronghold that bitterness had on her. Now her family is settled on the east coast, and the two families take turns annually hosting one another for Thanksgiving dinner!

I must repeat myself over and over again: Anything that can be done without Christ cannot be Christian. We cannot love an enemy but must ask Him to love the enemy; we receive the victory that He gives by simply walking across the room and loving. Often I will be in a place where someone has developed hatred toward me. Inviting Jesus along, I go over and start talking to the person, asking his opinions, what work he does, what about his children, his take on the government, and more. At first his head appears to be spinning with a real look of confusion, for on the one hand, it was settled in his mind and emotions that I was some kind of deceiving monster. On the other hand, I cannot be completely hopeless, because we have found common ground. This is Christian life; the first person to lose is the first person to win. Take up your freedom and walk away from bitterness.

Marriage Under Attack

Nothing is said in the Bible about marriage being under attack, the struggle of marriage, or the conflict in marriage; nor is there anything said about marriage and regret, marriage and happiness, or marriage and fulfillment. Basically, the main theme concerning marriage is that the two will become one flesh. Biblically, flesh is that part of man, who is made somewhat in the image of God, that wants to be God. This means that two “fleshly” people become one “flesh” and will attempt to be God. Well, only God could think of that! Two people yielding to God, wanting to be God, and working to make the other spouse into their image! Wow! At that point I can only say that the purpose of marriage is to make a person miserable and to reveal both self-centeredness and the desire to be God and rule over others. While that is unfolding, he is denying any blame as he casts himself and others into a living hell. Sounds like what I have been seeing; in the last twenty-four months I have encountered more Christian marriages under attack than in the previous ten years. I am not totally objective, I realize that, nor am I the answer man; Jesus is the Way to every answer. However, it amazes me that I could spend time with a husband and enjoy the fellowship or visit with his wife and enjoy the fellowship, but they cannot seem to spend one content hour together. Satan has so clouded the eyes of the believers that they only see the negatives and cannot see God. Amen, I understand the grief in women when they are living with a drunk, drug addict, child abuser, physical abuser, adulterer, and more (things Paul says that we ought not even talk about, and I am thankful that the Lord lets me sleep at night from some of the things I have heard). However, the things that I am hearing lately are completely petty. “You did not support me! You did not initiate intimacy, you do not court me, you only pick out the negatives, you do not support me with the children, you are someone different when we are out with others than at home, you are a fake as a believer, you do not pray with me, and you will not do what I ask you to do.“ Amen, every issue has some validity, but not grounds for bitterness, anger, hatred, emotional walls, and everything else that the believer is not to have even for an unbeliever! Is anyone ever ashamed of this behavior? There seems to be a genuine lack of communication among Christian couples; it has been replaced by a series of reactions. The world already offers us financial, social, and physical strain; do we want discord at home, too? Are we asking God, “What is the deal? What do You want me to do? Maybe I should hit the guy, and maybe I should love him.“ I do not know what God knows. I have been asking people to write, once each day for thirty days, something they love about their mates. They might last about ten days and then come up blank. However, they can write for sixty days all that is wrong with their mates. Attitude is everything. I believe that Jesus is coming, and therefore, no matter what happens in world politics, I am comforted. Do you believe that God brought your mate to reveal something in you? Let Him reveal the selfishness, the lack of love, the list keeping, the dissatisfaction that the flesh always harbors, and turn to Him. Get on your knees and say, “Jesus, what do You have for us? We are finished; we need a Source that lives outside us and inside us.” He is God, it is His responsibility, and He will come. “God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son.” Do we think that He did not love our mates? Listen, His coming is near, and there are three things a marriage needs: communication, common goals, and intimacy. Ask Him to show you where you have gone astray. Honestly, you did not marry your mate because he/she was a complete ass! You did not take vows while looking forward to the day that you would despise seeing the other entering the room. Intimacy in communication and in the physical will break down all barriers. Brothers and Sisters, we are in a battle with a voice that just will not shut up. We will win, and we are those that conquer because of our Lord who already won. One deathblow to self-will brings a refreshing rain on the garden of your relationship. Please follow Christ, take up the cross, deny yourself, and let your marriage flourish.

The Curse of Self-centeredness!

Matthew 23:25, 26, “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and of the dish, but inside they are full of robbery and self-indulgence. You blind Pharisee, first clean the inside of the cup and of the dish, so that the outside of it may become clean also.”

Who among us has not experienced self-centeredness? By the very nature of man, we were created to be other-centered, but we are self-centered. As we look at the creation of the world and God’s desire for man as a bride for His son, we see selflessness. We are made in His image, and nothing but selflessness will suit us. I remember a frightening experience in Malaysia when I went for a walk and a pray, and the “pray” was to play much more into the day than the walk itself. I went close to the shipyards and stumbled across over thirty dogs that encircled with the intent to attack me. As I slowly backed out of the place and surrounded myself with people, the dogs retreated. The point is that though there is nothing positive in the Bible said about dogs or men, most people love a dog, but it is only a blessing when it gives itself to something greater. Dogs are made to give themselves to man and thus become a blessing. Man is made to give himself to God and in that way be a blessing. Man simply is not made to be self-centered, which causes him to shrink and become animal-like; he is meant to be God-centered. Often I have challenged the oppressed to go find someone in great need and help him. The results have been consistent: The helper grows happy! The world says that there is a way, and Jesus says that He is the Way, a Way of giving, of sacrifice, of loving. Those who follow Him on the Way can become so happy as to feel that they might explode. There is no happiness in building for one’s self. We need to realize that we will die, and so for what will we live? Our life can be given to something greater than ourselves, to our loving Father and His people, not exalting self-centeredness, but preferring to despise it.

We are all doing better than Jesus!

Don’t Despise the Carnal

The Kingdom of God Suffers Violence