The Dealer
October 29, 2009 by admin
Filed under Articles by Mike Wells
“For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires.” 2 Timothy 4:3
As a youth working in the inner city of Chicago, I was always mystified by the drug dealer. He would stand next to an expensive convertible, have on a fur coat and big hat, flash gold teeth, and usually be accompanied by more than one woman dressed to fit the motif. He exuded all the deeds of the flesh. There was always a demeaning air about him as he dealt with those lining up to make their purchases. He had something that they wanted (or had to have, in some cases), and that gave him the upper hand; he could be as rude as he wanted to be. It was vexing to watch the twisted, worn, and toothless come to make their purchases. Even then I knew that a lesser gave way to a greater, and the reason he so despised those pathetic creatures was because he needed them to maintain his lifestyle. Something in him knew that he was lesser and they the greater, and this he disliked. I am seeing something similar that is disturbing today. The “spiritual” dealer is nearly a mirror of the drug dealer. I have heard the sermon on “seed money” so many times from the “spiritual” dealer as he admonishes believers to give and it will come back to them. The “spiritual” dealer may own three twenty-million-dollar homes, a jet, designer clothes, a multitude of luxury cars, and jewelry. This is all justified, because Jesus deserves the best. But Jesus is not living in the houses. Jesus had a robe with no pockets for collecting things; His Kingdom was not of this earth. Yet believers line up to give to such foolishness, even though the “spiritual” dealer talks about his followers with disdain, due to the clear separation between “us and them.” I watched a hidden camera catching the “spiritual” dealers sweep up the donations, put them in trash bags, laugh, and gad about town on a shopping spree. I have to say that these things are good, because God has permitted them for the revelation of many hearts. In the context of His will, He gives the desire of the heart; and if it is health, wealth, security, and fame, it may be given. However, if the heart’s desire is to know Him in this short life, that also will be given. We are not to peddle or promote ourselves, but Christ. The best way to stay away from a drug dealer is never to let what he has stir something in our flesh. The best way to avoid the “spiritual” dealer is never to let his appearance stir some flesh in us. Finally, we can ask for the grace of God to accomplish, in this life, our never being sidetracked by giving attention to something that surrounds Him, but is not Him.
Many Religions and One Faith
October 29, 2009 by Mike Wells
Filed under Articles by Mike Wells
“One Lord, one faith, one baptism.” (Eph. 4:5)
While traveling in a remote area of India, we were passing by an estimated 500,000 pilgrims walking barefooted (up to 500 miles) toward the temple of Shiva that rested on top of a mountain. Many had bloodied and blistered feet. Once they reached the temple, their heads would be shaved and they would receive a bit of sandalwood paste that had fallen off of an idol. Drinking the paste in a mixture would secure the favor of Shiva, and they would get the desire of their heart. Not long afterward I found myself in Tibet, where the pilgrims were falling forward to reach the great temples of Buddha. Some had come as far as 300 miles in this manner; they would stand, make a praying motion with their hands, and fall forward. While lying prostrate, they stretched out as far as they could and placed a piece of paper at the end of their fingertips; this was the marker for where they were to stand next and fall forward. Men, old women, and children alike, were working their way to Lhasa by the length of their bodies. Some even had callused foreheads. These types of activities are played out around the world.
We often look at the passage in Ephesians where Paul mentions that there is one Lord, one faith, and one baptism and apply it to the Christian Church. However, it must be viewed in a broader sense. Taken as a whole, the world brandishes very many religions, but there is only one faith. Religion, as it is most easily defined, is success resting at the feet of man. All religions have this in common, even the Christian religion, for it becomes a religion when the enemy and the flesh of man move focus away from the work of God to the work of man. I visited an Orthodox Religion “church” building in India after visiting several Hindu temples. I turned to my friend and said, “Do you think a Hindu would feel the least bit uncomfortable in this Orthodox religion?” He replied, “No, the Hindu would have everything he needs here: candles, icons, idols, a secret place for priests, gold altars, and more.” The common thread of religions–that success rests in man’s effort–is often accompanied by the tantalizing hope for success through somehow twisting the arm of the false god to get a favor. In contrast, there is only one faith, so never let it be said that people belong to different faiths; they only belong to different religions. The one faith is faith in the only God, His only Son, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit.
The success of the one faith ends at the feet of God, who loved us and gave us His son. God works in us, Christ moved into us and is our life, and the Holy Spirit makes the things of God and Jesus not only reasonable but also doable in His power. It is all about the accomplished and ongoing work of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Move from the one faith that believes in what God does, period, and move into an obsession with self and what men must do, and find one of the most miserable religions in the world, which is Christianity without Christ.
Divorce and Bitterness
October 29, 2009 by admin
Filed under Articles by Mike Wells
When I talk to a brother or sister contemplating divorce, I immediately explain how he or she is presently feeling. The response most often will be, “How did you know exactly how I was feeling?” Quite simply, I say, I just described the characteristics of a bitter person. The mate’s behavior is not dictating how the person now feels, although he or she believes that it is. Bitterness is the true dictator, a most divisive and destructive force to which many believers have succumbed. “See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled” (Hebrews 12:15). “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:31, 32).
What are some of the common signs of bitterness in a relationship? The bitter person is responsible for them, remember, for it is not the actions of others that cause bitterness, but rather a hard heart and ears attuned to the enemy’s voice, providing the soil bitterness needs to grow. There is a difference between being offended and being bitter. We do not find Jesus, the one Man in all of humanity who was offended the most, ever bitter. Blame must rest squarely on the shoulders of the person who is bitter.
Bitterness is an attitude that grows until its roots are entangled throughout the person’s mind, will, and emotions. Any attempt to remove this poisonous plant will be met with resistance through desire, intellectual arguments, and the feeling of hopelessness. Bitterness can even be considered an addiction. There is a soothing inner calm for those who have become accustomed to it, for though everything outside of them seems out of control, they can at least control their bitterness and make others pay for the perceived wrongs they have done. The majority of believers under emotional stress will either have an outer or inner explosion (which normally converts into depression), and with the passing of time all is forgotten. However, the bitter do neither of these; their explosions do not pass. They accept a lifestyle, a path that allows them the luxury of avoiding personal responsibility for the remainder of life. A child grows embittered toward the parent, and the more the child fails in life, the more anger he exhibits toward the parent. This is living in a distorted reality, a neurosis. When events begin to pressure the bitter people into accepting blame, they immediately recall all of the wrongs that have been done to them, once again avoiding responsibility. An interesting thing about Christians is that they often maintain their bitterness under the guise of being extremely spiritual, “so spiritual” that God has called them to suffer and be cut off from others, and yet the proof of carnality is that everyone who has disappointed them is covertly punished for the perceived failure.
Bitterness becomes a compulsion, the opposite of which would be the passive blame-taker, whose first response whenever life circumstances get the best of him is to roll over, play dead, and accept all responsibility. Each morning there is the comfort of the known that will take him through the day with the assumption that whatever happens, he is to blame. There is no fear of change. Similarly, but conversely, the bitter can be assured that no matter what, a problem is someone else’s fault.
Yes, bitterness is an addiction that can be likened to smoking cigarettes. When someone starts that habit, he can smoke when he desires: after dinner, at a party, or during leisure times. However, soon enough something very interesting happens. Instead of exercising free will, the smoker heeds the domineering command of a cigarette and goes whenever it calls. At this point, there is addiction. A glorious creature created to listen to the Father above listens instead to a cigarette below. The creature is a slave to a new master. When the misery of this revelation sets in, the smoker begins to make a series of vows and smokes hundreds or even thousands of what become known as “the last cigarette.” Soon there develops frustration, anger, and even depression.
At first bitterness is used as an excuse, but with the passing of time, bitterness uses its holder. The fact most evident, yet rarely discerned by the bitter, is that whoever they are bitter toward has become their god. While in the wilderness, Jesus heard Satan make the request to “fall down and worship me.” The word “worship” means to give attention. Jesus said no! Only God, the Father, would have His attention. Most of us have been hurt by others, but is making those others our gods by continuing to give them our attention not a greater tragedy? Do we want to worship those who offend, abuse, use, and neglect us?
Jesus gives commands not in order to make us more acceptable to God but to make us happy. Forgiving makes any person happy! When we forgive, we rule! When we do not forgive and become bitter, others rule us! The command to love is not for the good of others, but for our own good. What a deception the enemy imparts, that to obey will hinder our happiness. A paramedic once made the observation that he had never had an emergency call from a Bible study, yet he had received many calls from bars and parties. Does the disregard of the commands make us happy?
Bitterness is oppression. The embittered person is oppressed by the enemy, who has invested many hours of whispering about the supposed misery caused by others. The most predominant trait of the bitter is that he considers himself a victim, having had to suffer and go it alone without help, support, or respect. He is isolated, forced to a place of self-sufficiency. No one even cares, and he is angry.
This attitude of bitterness can begin with a dislike, or even hatred, of one’s mate, but soon turns into hatred of the opposite sex. Women are complainers, impossible to please, picky, manipulators, non-submissive, rebellious, and dominant; they only care about seeing a paycheck, they lack respect, and a man never knows what he is coming home to. To a bitter wife, men are proud, insensitive, arrogant, passive know-it-alls who only care about themselves, sex, and having their egos continually stroked; they are slow to fulfill their responsibilities and cannot do things right. Soon, both decide that they can live without sex, communication, approval, or support from their mates. I have personally discipled couples that mutually decided through bitterness to withdraw sexually from one another for periods of more than twenty-seven years, and some were pastors, at that! These attitudes will often be communicated to the children of the couple through various overt or covert messages, resulting in many today being fearful of the opposite sex.
The addiction of bitterness takes surprisingly little time to become a person’s comfort zone. It is actually easy to withdraw and put the mate under the magnifying glass, waiting for the next word or action that will confirm the negative assessment of the relationship and the hopeless state of the mate. I have been amazed how frustrated a bitter believer becomes at the suggestion that his mate may not be as bad as he believes; he hates to hear such a thing! And as I draw attention to the bitter one’s inability to love in spite of offenses, the conversation is immediately turned away from his failure back to the inexcusable behavior of the other. I can only ascertain that this type of person has every intention of remaining bitter.
Finding the way out of bitterness requires the revelation that the person toward whom we are bitter has become, through inappropriate attention, our god. Where there was one problem–the other person’s despised behavior–now there are two, for self-hatred also arises when worshipping someone that caused offense. The third problem occurs when the actions of the one toward whom we are bitter begin to control our actions and even our personality, making us a distortion, no longer ourselves. The behavior of the one that “made us bitter” is blamed for all behavior. “If only you knew what had happened to me, you would be acting even worse than I am right now.” “Of course I am not sleeping with you; do you not understand my pain?” “Of course I am in a bad mood; under similar circumstances you would be in a bad mood, too.” The person that caused the bitterness is in control of every aspect of the “sufferer’s” family and relationships. However, Jesus tells us to love an enemy and pray for those that persecute; by so doing, the enemy will remain the same, but we will walk away free.
I was told of a man who, upon hearing of the hurricane in New Orleans, immediately got in his truck to bring a family to his state and help them get started in a new life. He had trouble finding a black family that wanted to live with a strange white man from the north, let alone in his basement (they do not have basements in New Orleans). At last a pastor persuaded an old woman, her daughter, and granddaughter to go with the man. They arrived to discover the white man lived in a mansion, and the basement had been completely redone for them; it was a walkout basement with a beautiful view. The family had never been in such surroundings. Six weeks later, the white man found the old woman in the kitchen weeping. He approached her, put his arm around her, and said, “I am sorry! Are you homesick? I know it had to be hard to leave everyone you knew! Is there something here that you want changed that is making you uncomfortable or unhappy?” The old woman looked up with tears flowing and said, “None of those things are bothering me. See, I was raised to hate white people, and all my life I have done a good job of it. Yet your kindness has proven me wrong, and I am so sad that I would have acted and talked that way.” His love had broken the stronghold that bitterness had on her. Now her family is settled on the east coast, and the two families take turns annually hosting one another for Thanksgiving dinner!
I must repeat myself over and over again: Anything that can be done without Christ cannot be Christian. We cannot love an enemy but must ask Him to love the enemy; we receive the victory that He gives by simply walking across the room and loving. Often I will be in a place where someone has developed hatred toward me. Inviting Jesus along, I go over and start talking to the person, asking his opinions, what work he does, what about his children, his take on the government, and more. At first his head appears to be spinning with a real look of confusion, for on the one hand, it was settled in his mind and emotions that I was some kind of deceiving monster. On the other hand, I cannot be completely hopeless, because we have found common ground. This is Christian life; the first person to lose is the first person to win. Take up your freedom and walk away from bitterness.
I Hate Divorce, Part 2
October 29, 2009 by admin
Filed under Articles by Mike Wells
Malachi 2:16, “For I hate divorce, says the Lord God of Israel.”
Let God be true and every man the liar: God does hate divorce. However, He does not say that he hates those people who get a divorce. I am still baffled and ignorant concerning the interpretation of the Scripture by some who spread the notion of no divorce at any cost. I do not understand that, when there can be child abuse of every kind, addictions that deform the whole family composition, children overdosing on drugs, and Christians holding a handgun to their heads and pulling the trigger, all because of a bad marriage. Come and live in my shoes, hearing what I have heard over the decades of marriage counseling, and see if somehow perspective changes. It will never change the fact that God said, “I hate divorce,” but it might make you wonder if He does not more greatly hate the things that lead to divorce, the “hardness of heart.” If the lesser gives way to the greater, then is not the end result of the divorce the lesser in view of the more terrible sins that led up to the divorce? I so often wish that believers could plug a jack into my head and hear the screams from the children that lived with parents who decided to stay married to be obedient. Mind you, the parents’ behavior was not dutiful to any other directives indicated in the Gospel, but somehow not divorcing became to them the supreme act of obedience and a feat in which they could boast. I see this same conviction being widely promulgated by believers.
If you have had a divorce and were a stupid person in your behavior, we at ALMI stand with you. If you have had a divorce after staying in the marriage even beyond when the peace of God left you, we at ALMI stand with you. If you are struggling today, ALMI stands with you. Jesus came that you might have life, and have it abundantly. Our desire, like His, is for you to find abundant life. Remember, we have all failed Him according to the Scriptural directives, but He has never left us nor forsaken us. We can honestly tell Him the facts of our humanity and be open to what He will work into our lives. I remember a couple that had everything going wrong. The husband held two jobs, the wife was sick and yet kept going to work, the teens were rebelling, and their house was in foreclosure. I just said, “I have nothing to give that will relieve your situation. Will you do one thing? Invite Jesus into the pit in which you have found yourselves. Every situation into which you invite Him is one for which He will take responsibility. Only Jesus can lift your spirit.” The next week they arrived with a big smile. I mistakenly assumed something wonderful had taken place—perhaps a new job, kids turning around, or the dynamics of the marriage changing–and I asked what had happened. The husband said, “Well, I lost one of my jobs!” That did not explain the smile until he continued on to say, “We invited Jesus into the pit! Nothing changed but our attitude, and now we have hope.” Invite Him in. Relationship is the hardest and messiest thing you will ever experience. Marriage can be a tough pit; ask Him to enter in. Either we have a God or we do not have a God! Brothers and Sisters in Christ, we have a God. Remember, God does NOT hate you. Do not be a pessimist about marriage; there is no waste in God, and past bad experiences bring new life into today.
Blast! A Woman’s Desire Will Be For Her Husband?
October 29, 2009 by admin
Filed under Articles by Mike Wells
Gen. 3:16: To the woman He said, “I will greatly multiply Your pain in childbirth, In pain you will bring forth children; Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you.”
Amen, what a thing to say. However, if we see the Lord and His love, we can appreciate that there are two wonderful types of faith into which only a woman can enter. “I will greatly multiply your pain in childbirth.” In the giving of birth, a woman becomes completely other-centered, exactly the attitude that sent Jesus to save mankind; He was other-centered. The most self-centered woman will become other-centered upon the birth of a child. This is an experience that no man will have. The second great move of faith comes from trusting a husband that has flaws. “Yet your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” What a step of faith for a woman. God did not put woman under man because man is superior; on the contrary, He put the woman under the man so she might exercise her faith. Rather than seeing man in the relationship, she would see the God that gave the command and move up in faith to trust Him who asked her to put herself under a flawed man. It is not the command but the God of the command in which a woman must trust. The danger comes with the temptation to put the husband under a magnifying glass to amplify his shortcomings and use those as reason enough to refuse to come under the husband’s headship. Remember, it is not the man but the God of the man under which the wife is to come. If the man were perfect, she would need no faith; a flawed man insures that his rule must be an act of faith in God for a wife. God is not out to get women; He is not an inherent chauvinist. He is all about our learning trust and faith, and a husband and children will make a woman learn just that.
Marriage Under Attack
October 29, 2009 by admin
Filed under Articles by Mike Wells
Nothing is said in the Bible about marriage being under attack, the struggle of marriage, or the conflict in marriage; nor is there anything said about marriage and regret, marriage and happiness, or marriage and fulfillment. Basically, the main theme concerning marriage is that the two will become one flesh. Biblically, flesh is that part of man, who is made somewhat in the image of God, that wants to be God. This means that two “fleshly” people become one “flesh” and will attempt to be God. Well, only God could think of that! Two people yielding to God, wanting to be God, and working to make the other spouse into their image! Wow! At that point I can only say that the purpose of marriage is to make a person miserable and to reveal both self-centeredness and the desire to be God and rule over others. While that is unfolding, he is denying any blame as he casts himself and others into a living hell. Sounds like what I have been seeing; in the last twenty-four months I have encountered more Christian marriages under attack than in the previous ten years. I am not totally objective, I realize that, nor am I the answer man; Jesus is the Way to every answer. However, it amazes me that I could spend time with a husband and enjoy the fellowship or visit with his wife and enjoy the fellowship, but they cannot seem to spend one content hour together. Satan has so clouded the eyes of the believers that they only see the negatives and cannot see God. Amen, I understand the grief in women when they are living with a drunk, drug addict, child abuser, physical abuser, adulterer, and more (things Paul says that we ought not even talk about, and I am thankful that the Lord lets me sleep at night from some of the things I have heard). However, the things that I am hearing lately are completely petty. “You did not support me! You did not initiate intimacy, you do not court me, you only pick out the negatives, you do not support me with the children, you are someone different when we are out with others than at home, you are a fake as a believer, you do not pray with me, and you will not do what I ask you to do.“ Amen, every issue has some validity, but not grounds for bitterness, anger, hatred, emotional walls, and everything else that the believer is not to have even for an unbeliever! Is anyone ever ashamed of this behavior? There seems to be a genuine lack of communication among Christian couples; it has been replaced by a series of reactions. The world already offers us financial, social, and physical strain; do we want discord at home, too? Are we asking God, “What is the deal? What do You want me to do? Maybe I should hit the guy, and maybe I should love him.“ I do not know what God knows. I have been asking people to write, once each day for thirty days, something they love about their mates. They might last about ten days and then come up blank. However, they can write for sixty days all that is wrong with their mates. Attitude is everything. I believe that Jesus is coming, and therefore, no matter what happens in world politics, I am comforted. Do you believe that God brought your mate to reveal something in you? Let Him reveal the selfishness, the lack of love, the list keeping, the dissatisfaction that the flesh always harbors, and turn to Him. Get on your knees and say, “Jesus, what do You have for us? We are finished; we need a Source that lives outside us and inside us.” He is God, it is His responsibility, and He will come. “God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son.” Do we think that He did not love our mates? Listen, His coming is near, and there are three things a marriage needs: communication, common goals, and intimacy. Ask Him to show you where you have gone astray. Honestly, you did not marry your mate because he/she was a complete ass! You did not take vows while looking forward to the day that you would despise seeing the other entering the room. Intimacy in communication and in the physical will break down all barriers. Brothers and Sisters, we are in a battle with a voice that just will not shut up. We will win, and we are those that conquer because of our Lord who already won. One deathblow to self-will brings a refreshing rain on the garden of your relationship. Please follow Christ, take up the cross, deny yourself, and let your marriage flourish.
Recognizing God
October 29, 2009 by admin
Filed under Articles by Mike Wells
Acts 17:24-28, “God, who made the world and everything in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands, nor is He worshiped with men’s hands, as though He needed anything, since He gives to all life, breath, and all things. And He has made from one blood every nation of men to dwell on all the face of the earth, and has determined their preappointed times and the boundaries of their dwellings, so that they should seek the Lord, in the hope that they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us; for in Him we live and move and have our being, as also some of your own poets have said, ‘For we are also His offspring.’”
I am writing to you from Australia, and my age is showing. I forgot my Bible and rely on my electronic Bible in my computer. However, the Gideons continue to be a blessing by putting a Bible in every hotel room; hence, the passage above could be typed out. Over the years, from my personal life experiences to my first world experiences to my Third World experiences, I will forever delight in the sight of a nursing baby. There is nothing like watching the child’s eyes examine the mother as he determines just exactly who this person is that brings such provision, such care, and such love. One day the child realizes it is a very intimate person that has a name; it is not some vague being but a specific individual named Mommy. The young one has a revelation; this heretofore unknown recipient of his gaze now has a name and becomes personalized, and not only is that unknown entity loved, but the baby cannot help but be drawn to his mother. So is the world. God is providing for every single creature; He is loving them, watching over them, listening to them, protecting them, and caring for them. It is the hope of God that in the will of man, he will look up and begin to recognize the one that cares for him. This was Paul’s point in the sermon on the hill in Acts: that God has cared for all of them no matter how pagan, no matter how lost, and no matter how sinful. It is Paul’s desire that they might recognize and call Him by His proper name, Father. In this life there are many situations that God will not fight but use to make us look to Him and discover the One who maintains us. We must point people to the One and continue to point them to the One, no matter how exhausting, in the hope that they might see the One that maintains them.
The Curse of Self-centeredness!
October 29, 2009 by admin
Filed under Articles by Mike Wells
Matthew 23:25, 26, “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and of the dish, but inside they are full of robbery and self-indulgence. You blind Pharisee, first clean the inside of the cup and of the dish, so that the outside of it may become clean also.”
Who among us has not experienced self-centeredness? By the very nature of man, we were created to be other-centered, but we are self-centered. As we look at the creation of the world and God’s desire for man as a bride for His son, we see selflessness. We are made in His image, and nothing but selflessness will suit us. I remember a frightening experience in Malaysia when I went for a walk and a pray, and the “pray” was to play much more into the day than the walk itself. I went close to the shipyards and stumbled across over thirty dogs that encircled with the intent to attack me. As I slowly backed out of the place and surrounded myself with people, the dogs retreated. The point is that though there is nothing positive in the Bible said about dogs or men, most people love a dog, but it is only a blessing when it gives itself to something greater. Dogs are made to give themselves to man and thus become a blessing. Man is made to give himself to God and in that way be a blessing. Man simply is not made to be self-centered, which causes him to shrink and become animal-like; he is meant to be God-centered. Often I have challenged the oppressed to go find someone in great need and help him. The results have been consistent: The helper grows happy! The world says that there is a way, and Jesus says that He is the Way, a Way of giving, of sacrifice, of loving. Those who follow Him on the Way can become so happy as to feel that they might explode. There is no happiness in building for one’s self. We need to realize that we will die, and so for what will we live? Our life can be given to something greater than ourselves, to our loving Father and His people, not exalting self-centeredness, but preferring to despise it.
The Marriage Pain Stick
October 29, 2009 by admin
Filed under Articles by Mike Wells
I often like to mention this particular stick in marriage counseling. The illustration goes like this: The day you get married, God gives you a twenty-inch pain stick to eat. You can only eat one inch per year, and every inch is quite painful, since it involves the dissolution of pride, self, the desire to be adored, and much, much more. At any point you can–and many do–give up and give the stick a heave; you have had it. Who needs it? You can live quite well without marriage, thanks. With the passing of time, loneliness comes to the forefront (man is a social creature), and you find someone that is so totally different from the mate experienced in the past that you are willing to pick up a new pain stick. However, this pain stick is exactly the same length as one given on your previous wedding day, twenty inches. You must start all over again!
I readily admit that during 25 years of counseling, I have seen people that should never have gotten married, period! They have no skills for an intimate relationship or any desire to grow and become something different. Amen, God has something in that. Even Jesus said that Moses allowed divorce because of “hardness of heart.” Some are hard by choice, and they will have to wear that. However, in the normal marriage struggles, a couple gets to glimpse the depths of just how selfish and stupid they really can be. As one man said, “I was going so well in the Lord until my mate entered the room.” What an admission! We are commanded to love our enemies, and yet we avoid loving our mates. Well, we are all on a journey down our own path to discover that He is God and we are not, that He is love and we are not, that He holds all things together and we do not. It is a great trip. Marriage is death, death, death, and more death to the thing we hold dear, ourselves.
Both Hands Occupied
October 9, 2009 by Alex Mathew
Filed under Articles by Alex Matthew
BOTH HANDS OCCUPIED
Life should be a joy for all. That is one of the most intricate ‘shoulds’ of life! For life to be joyful there has to be freedom from wants and the means to live with meaning to ‘BE’. If life has to have some meaning it has to be livable with enjoyable content. Content is the sum total of what is received and what is made of the available inputs. Intelligently put to use, these factors are expected to be sufficient to make life worth a try.
But often life turns out to be hardened and complicated deprived of any joy. No one wants to have a hard life. No one wants to be dealing with conflict all the time. More often than not we are engaged in sorting out hardships and conflicts, large and small.
All of us seek comfort and try to gain it at any cost. In our efforts to gather comfort we make life harder by our chosen lifestyles. And then life often turns out to be burdened, weighing us down with heaviness of heart. But it does not have to be so if we learn the art of handling our burdens intelligently and shedding the weights that weigh us down.
We all go through life with two different baggages holding one in each hand. In one hand we hold the baggage of our ‘Past’ and in the other our ‘Unique Self.’ The size of the baggage that holds our past would depend on all that we have passed through, our interpretations of it and our reactions. The more we go through it, revise it, rejoice in it or reject, repent or react, the baggage keep increasing in bulk.
The unique self is the sum total of our identity formed from our inheritance, attitudes and reactions. In other words, it would depend very much on what we are born with and how we allow our experiences to influence our reactions to life. Our pattern of behavior that contributes to the formation of our unique self is controlled by many and variable factors.
We carry our past ‘History’ and our present ‘Unique Self’, unwittingly allowing the past to exert a large influence on the progress or regression we make in life.
We carry our past ‘History’ and our present ‘Unique Self’, unwittingly allowing the past to exert a large influence on the progress or regression we make in life. Imagine walking with two big baggages, one in each hand, and trying to enter any normal sized door. It is not easy. The problem is even more after gaining entry into any particular space we are not inclined or free to put down our baggage. We tenaciously hold on to our past and our personal dispositions which make us unique. Voluntarily giving up these things amount to losing control and that is a terrible threat. Giving up control is not easy. But accepting the fact that the Lord God is in control is the releasing truth that give us freedom to BE.
Past is deadweight around our necks till we allow the Lord to receive it from us.
Wherever we go, whatever we do, these baggage are our constant companions coming in our way and blocking our progress. Past is deadweight around our necks till we allow the Lord to receive it from us. The Lord Jesus specifically says “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” Mat.11: 28.
Our present dispositions and entrenched attitudes of our unique self caution us and allow us to take actions in selected and confined manners allowable within our limited perceptions. Our progress is impeded if the baggages are of unmanageable size and shape.
The sum total of what is said is that we limit ourselves in the strangle hold of our past and unique self. The limiting may mean lack of positive progress or movement in a wrong tangent leading to negativity.
The past of every person is distinctly different from others. We would have to deal with an infinite variety of experiences to make some meaningful generalization out of them. Greater and longer persevering study is called for making sense out of the infinite variety of individual experiences. It will be good for you to learn a new spelling for past. What is PAST is DEAD. No one should go around cuddling the past and spending precious time analyzing the past. Learn from the past and then burry it for good, for our Lord God has already cancelled our past sins and wrong doings. Why carry it and create impediment to our progress in life?
Your ‘Unique Self’ too can become a huge baggage if you do not see it as what it is and keep it in manageable size and shape. Every person is unique and generalizations are not easily possible here too. That would largely limit our understanding of the baggage problem. But we have to make a beginning somewhere if we are to get freedom from the limiting heaviness of these baggages that limit our progression in life.
I chose to talk about this subject because an understanding of the ‘unique self’ will help us to effectively deal with some typical problems faced by our children in school. Learn the art of burying the past and administering your ‘Unique Self’.
Everyone is unique, because everyone is created unique. A precise classification is impractical. For the sake of an easier understanding we will consider three major categories as THINKER, FEELER and DOER. The basic characteristics of the three groups are listed separately below.
Try to identify in which group you may fit in, based on these characteristics. Remember none is a pure ‘type’. You do not have to feel lost in case you seem to feel not distinctly belonging in any particular type. All of us are variable and interesting combinations with infinite possibilities.
THE THINKER
• High mental energy.
• The thinker is honest and truthful.
• The thinker is analytical and can get lost in details.
• Loves order and over concerned about security.
• Loves quiet time and be alone for some time. (Danger of exceeding limits at times.)
• Tends to cultivate only one to three close friends.
• Tends to be melancholic and at risk of feeling inferior.
• Refuse to recognize own talents and ability, even when proven.
• Knows all that is bad about oneself.
• That quality makes the thinker to be a ‘blame-collector’.
• Perfectionist tendencies causing them to demand perfection from others too.
• Mood is determined by what is going on in the thoughts.
• Must want to think about something at all times, prefers reading before going to bed.
• Preoccupation with thinking makes the person prone to brooding and anxiety attacks.
• Not quick with advice or disapproval.
• But hoards all hurts and prefers to withdraw.
• Reluctant to share the sad thoughts occupying the mind and prefers to suffer alone.
• Extreme fear of the unknown.
• Reluctant to take risks and therefore tends to be a late bloomer.
• Likes to follow an inner list to do and a higher standard.
• Internalizes anger and does not indulge in explosive outbursts.
THE FEELER
• Relationships are more important than anything.
• Highly subjective and the ‘I’ is a major preoccupation.
• On the look out for ‘rejecting’ attitudes in others.
• Easily gets hurt and pouts when hurt.
• Ready to follow the morals of the crowd, easily gets into trouble.
• Is liable to be used by others.
• Life is an on going party whenever possible.
• Makes others feel important and cared.
• Very keen on pleasing people.
• Will go to the extend of allowing others to fail oneself.
• Good at manipulating others to have own way.
• Good empathizers and sensitive to the needs of others.
• Hardly any control over explosive bouts.
• Easily motivated.
• Very enthusiastic but unlikely to persevere.
• Desires popularity and tends to invite attention.
• Will readily reject anyone who indicates distance.
• Lavish in expressions.
• Prefer to talk ad infinitum and the subject is often ‘I’.
• Self-indulgent and easily gathers self-pity.
• Powerful ‘blame-giver’ whenever irritated.
THE DOER
• The doer is strong-willed and pushy.
• Gets things done through others.
• Never rests without accomplishing what is set forth.
• Easily projects confidence and wants to be ‘in-command’.
• Prefers independence.
• Does not suffer fools and lazy bums.
• Adept at twisting realities to suit the task at hand.
• In all stories ‘I’ am the hero.
• Obstacles are usually invisible.
• Many iron in the fire and makes anyone near to tend his fire.
• Inconsistent yet hates to be bothered by facts.
• Welcomes and enjoys challenges.
• Relatively out of touch with the hurts of others.
• Quick to explode and it is OK if others react exploding.
• Aggressive and energetic.
• Would tend to be creative but speed is the watchword.
• Others are ‘tools’ to accomplish objectives.
• Accepts aggression.
• Enjoys a good fight and tends to forget.
• Does not waste time in brooding.
• No qualms about blaming others.
• Powerful ‘task-giver’.
It does not matter in which group you may find your identity. Make it a point to choose what you think desirable and honorable according to you and in agreement with the Scripture, and then live it fully to your potential. “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things…put it into practice” Phil. 4: 8, 9.
Keep both your hands free and clean to act effectively to get ahead in life.
Alex Mathew (Adapted from Mike Wells’ teachings)


