The Heart-Connected Life . . . for parents, “Raising God-dependent teens,” by Susan Cottrell, 2009, www.HeartConnectedLife.com

This is neatly promoted as a handbook for raising teens, which indeed it is, and the ALMI material (as well as information from other sources) has been reworked as a presentation of advice and encouragement to parents; however, any believer in any stage of life would enjoy reading this book! Ms. Cottrell writes in such a refreshingly candid manner . . . well, OK, she is a FEELER! The book is written in FEELER style! The reader NEVER knows what will come out next on a page! The wonderful truths, though, come shining through her anecdotes and experiences from many years of discipling believers, and the advice for parents—which often is advice for ANY PERSON pertaining to his or her walk in Christ—can best be summed up as, “Believer look to yourself and the log in your own eye” rather than being a heavy-handed manual for correcting the offspring. The main message about the children is that God IS at work in their lives and we can entrust them to HIS GREAT care!

Examples: excerpts from page 70, Chapter 7, “God Bless the Broken Road”

“Being broken is the process of removing our crutches so we see for ourselves how lame we really are.”

“God’s power is perfected in our weakness. When we are weak, then we are strong. A dear friend started crying during worship at church. Afterward she said, ‘I shouldn’t cry – I’m a leader. I need to have it all together.’ Do you hear the burden she is carrying? And the lie that comes from satan? I don’t blame her, because many of us Christians, deep down, expect that in each other (though we don’t say it). Her desire was to encourage women by allowing them to see her strength. But the truth is, we need to see others’ weaknesses—and our own weaknesses—because then we see God’s strength!”

Page 107, Chapter 11, “Delight in Them (As God Delights in Us)”

“God can’t wait for us to wake up so He can say good morning! And He welcomes us with new mercies every morning (Lamentations 3:23). What is your response to your kids when you see them first thing in the morning? Are you delighted to see them? Do you greet them with a song in your heart and a smile on your face? Uh, me neither . . . but that’s what we want to change! We want to parent as God parents us.

I am convinced that the most important thing we can do for our children’s overall sense of well-being on a daily basis is to delight in them.”

Pros: This is an easy-to-read and fun book that hammers home many important truths about our lives in Christ as well as our roles as parents. With a wide variety of examples from life, Ms. Cottrell entertains as well as instructs, and lets our hearts ache with the experiences of some parents as well as rejoice with what the LORD does “in spite of it all” in His sovereignty. No subject is taboo; the reader will find allusions to sexual abuse, pornography, and rebellion.

Cons:  This book is not for everyone, perhaps.  Two friends have told me they felt condemned over how they raised their children when they read the book, and one friend could not read it at all.  Truth can be rejoiced in no matter how it makes us feel, so since there is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, it would be important to note where the sense of condemnation is coming from. I do not think the tone of the book is one of condemnation, so if the condemnation is coming from the flesh as pride in one’s childrearing skills is wounded, that is a good opportunity to repent of the pride. If the condemnation is a conviction from the Holy Spirit, that is another good opportunity to repent of how one raised his children and to open his eyes to do better with the grandchildren.

There is so much crud in Christianity today relating to children that there is danger in this book’s message being overlooked as it gets lumped in with the rest. Parents are so wired about making sure their (even adult) children fit neatly into their own identity circles as looking the part of the perfect Christian family that no freedom is given to the younger set. This book is the antithesis to the type of advice that would be given by a legalistic, uptight, controlling parent.

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